Thursday, August 30, 2007
Right now..i should be sleeping and getting enough energy for myself for school tomorrow..BUT...instead, i found myself crying. And i had some flashbacks. They are all about Pradeep. I miss him terribly...yet..i hate him for what he did to me. Then again, i cant blame him. He said he hates me cause i threatened Michelle( his gf) when we were in sec 2. Truth is ... I DID'NT! Why would anyone say that i did? I mean..im the one who gets bullied. I dont bully others. Im not that kinda girl! REALLY!!! This Friday would be the second last day. Then his N levels will start. The probability of seeing him is like 1%? This sucks. I want to talk to him. But how? The VERY LAST day i would see him is on the 10 of October 2007. GRADUATION DAY. SIGH! I feel so freaking upset. I keep having these flashbacks about him whenever i get upset. And then i realise...im upset because of him. I may look like im okay. I may joke around and smile alot. I may be like a clown. But all that is on the outside. Who ever said im the same on he inside. IM NOT! Im freaking crushed and depressed. I feel like ive been torn apart. Imagine having to love somone for four years! I said this before and ill say it again: I SWEAR, I CAN NEVER LOVE ANYONE THE SAME. Those are words i really mean. Yes i may be crushing on my new eye candy...but it isnt the same like how it was like with Pradeep. Now, he belongs to Michelle. She used to be my best friend. Then she used to be my friend. She LIED to me. Just to get my friendship. But why? Why not let the truth out? Its not like i mean anything to you right?
It pains me inside to see you loving another. Its kills me to see you belonging to another. Reality sucks. I may be attached to him now. But truth is, i dont really like him. I dont know why but whenever im upset, i do stupid things. Things that will make me regret. I WANNA BE A BACHERLORETTE. I rather be single than to get my heart hurt again. Im hurt and brokened on the inside. Nothing can ever make it a whole again. I may get over this COMPLETELY in the future. But...this is something im forever gonna hold on to.
Dont be surprised if you see me with red puffy eyes tomorrow and a depressed face as though someone passed away. Cause someone did and thats me. Im upset over my death. And im gonna have my own funeral. Soon..will invite ya all. Till then...see ya!
ONE DAY WHEN I LOOK BACK, I HOPE I DONT REGRET DOING THIS...CAUSE I REALLY DID LOVE YOU.
12:23 AM; unforgotten.Y
