Im a mask to the world

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Today is a damn depressing day for me. Can die liao! Sigh...alot of things happened today...

Firstly, when i reached school, Hui Meng, Xiao Yun and i went to the canteen to have breakfast. Then Zhuan Yi joined us. We talked until it was time for us to assemble for the morning assembly. Mmmm then we went to class after assembly and got our Chemistry marks. I got 10/15 for paper 1 and 11.5/50 for paper 3. I failed!!! Then Mr Tan told us that we will get back out art results tomorrow. After which, we got back our History and Social Studies results. I got 20/50 for both History and Social Studies. Hui Meng and i then went for recess. Walked around and then sat with Yvonne and Xiao Yun at the canteen.

Then it was English. I failed my English! How could i?? I got 16/30 for paper 1 and 19/50 for paper 2. Fuck sial. Then it was Maths. 45/80 for paper 1 and 53/80 for paper 2. Although i passed, i made alot of careless mistakes! My tuition teacher is sure to kill me for that. The last paper we got back is Physics. 22/65 for the whole paper sial. Failed again! Demoralising huh? Out of combined humans, combined science, English and Maths, I passed ONLY Maths. My predictions for tomorrow: I WILL fail Tamil and POA and i might not pass Art. Scared la. Like that confirm retain or transter to NA already lor!

After school had to do the notice board for the graduating students so that teachers can write their messages for them. Before that after i had my lunch, i had to find for a few teachers to confirm some stuffs. Saw Iffa, told her my problem and left. Then surprisingly, NC called. Haha he said he was bored. So we talked for a while until i had to go. Finished decorating the board at around 5pm like that. Then Siti, Zhuang Yi and i went to the canteen to talk for a while. Becky joined it later. Then i had to go so that i can buy 9 gold papers for the letters for the graduation day banner tomorrow. On my way out of school, i saw Inul and she called me. Then we talked and talked and she gave me some advice. She also tried to cheer me up and encouraged me and all that. She told me that she will always be there for me and that she believes in me. Thanks alot i really appreciate it but it didnt help really. I still feel the same. I feel lousy! While talking to Inul, Uncle Jeya, one of the school staff, passed me a wrapped up like bag with something inside and a ribbon on top. He said thats for helping him. Haha so nice of him.

Hmm then i went home with Prem. He told me it wont happen but somehow, I just dont believe it. We took a taxi back cause he had only 15mins to reach home. Mrs Rahmat was going to call him to make sure that he reached home. I paid for the taxi fare. It came up to about $6.10. Then Prem took the change and we went up his block. I waited for him at the staircase while he went to change and he came out of his house after like 15-20mins? Wah damn long sial he! Hmm then we went to the Shell station and saw our long lost friend Ameerah. We talked and talked and Prem passed me $50 so i had to give him back $40. Then he asked me to go home first cause he was going to leave the station quite late. So i left and bought balloons at Cambridge and 9 gold papers at Popular. Then off i went home. I reached home around 8.45pm. Mmm took a shower, ate my dinner and went down to meet my dad to collect something at 9.20pm. And now im here. Bloggingmy thoughts out.

Wanna know what im thinking? I know its stupid. Im aware of that but then...with such results, i am for sure going to be either retained or transfered to sec3 NA or sec4 NA next year. Wah i really dont wanna go there. I wanna move on to sec4 Express next year. I wanna be in 4e3!!! So how? Ill tell you how. I ve decided, on promotion day i rather not hear whats going to become of me. I rather bang my head on the wall of my room until it bleeds, cut my wrists and then jump down from the rooftop of my HDB. Then i can finally run away and end all the 101 problems that im facing in my life that is soo demoralising! Suicidal. Thats the word! S.U.I.C.I.D.A.L! Dont miss me. I mean it. Just imagine that im missing.

9:40 PM; unforgotten.Y