Im a mask to the world

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

SAD LAAAAAAAAH!
Yesterday when i went to bed and found some sleep, i had a nightmare.
I kept thinking about it in my sleep.
But the good thing is, ive got and idea.
Its worth a try.
And if it fails, im a failure.
Im never gonna be happy...for a long long time.
SIGH.....
Its painful la really.
You wont understand it...TRUST ME!

Yesterday after blogging, my dad called and asked me to follow my sis to Vicky's sister's,Uma, house for a belated Deepavali celebration. No choice la had to go. So I went there and ate cookies and just rotted la. Walked around and i rotted and time really flew by. Then my dad asked me to sit with him on the couch. I sat and he talked to me. He shook my hand and was like ''Congratulations. You got promoted. Im proud of you. Now you must work really hard. Council wont give you anything. Its just for name. Let it go.'' All i did was shook my head. He even ask me why i was still soo upset. Cant you tell that since i didnt tell you anything about my results, i obviously didnt get to sec4 soo easily? I mean if i did he would be the first in my family to know! I felt really bad la cause i think my mum didnt tell him exactly what had happened. I wanted to but i know he would only call me everyday and tell me to study which will stress me out. He would only worry about me when he is already worried about the 101 things there are to worry about. It will worsen his heatlh condition. He would only tell me that i must stay at home and study when they are going out. Thats why i cant tell you. Already as it is, my mum knows and its going to be hell at home! FUCK! I really want to talk about all this to my dad but i just cant. I usually like talking to my dad cause its nice to get his advice and he is a really wise person. He really knows how to motivate others and spurr them to go on. He knows how to make me feel better. I just cant! =<

Next week my aunt(my dads step sis) and my uncle, Sheila and Alex will be coming to Singapore from Holland. I dont know how to carry myself in front of them now. I dont know how to keep that smile on my face. I dont know whats going to happen. Even my sis dont know about all this. I dont intend to tell her. She was once a student councilor in her school with a post and in her cca too. She did well and graduated. I wanted to be like that. I was almost there. But now everything is gone. I know that if i sit and really think about this, i will think maturely but i dont wish to. I dont want to give up my post just like that. Just because Mr Fucking Tan says i have to i wont! Im not ready. And mind you ah. You forced me to give it up. You didnt give me a fair decision you moron! Mofos like you deserve to rot in hell!

11:12 AM; unforgotten.Y