Im a mask to the world

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Wah today school was damn boring! Went to school, did some cleaning up, had a briefing by Mr Teo, collected back our report books, received our 20th anniversary magazine(got ALOT of my pictures and they dont even look good!), had a briefing from Mr Tan and school ended at 11.30pm. Rushed to see Ms Yeo for the third time this week but again she wasnt free. Fuck la! Rushed to Northpoint, bought lunch for my sister and i, reached home, ate my lunch within 10 minutes and took a taxi to school. Had to be in school by 2pm cause i had a Mental Skills Training workshop by Ms Nancy. Reached school by 1.35pm and sat with Thiru and her mum for a while. Then i went to the Council room and saw Nikita and Johnny boy. Went for the workshop and together with Mizrahi, April and Melissa, we are gonna join this ice cream making competition in NYP. Wheee! Excited! Haha...Then i met my dad, sis, Panja and Sherman at the Yishun Stadium. I ran three rounds around the track and went to GYM. Then we ate at a coffee shop in central.Just reached home.

I motivated myself after my dad told me to quit council. He told me to let it go. But NO! I wont let it go. Im not gonna give up, i dont want to and i wont! I worked hard for it and im gonna do it until its the right time for me to step down. Council is NO excuse for bad results. Its all in your head. You keep getting influenced by what people say. Its no stress at all if you know how to handle it. You must be able to think maturely and logically and only then you will enjoy it. I got alot to type la but im saving it for Ms Yeo. If any of you really think that im not meant to be ex co when what im doing is working towards getting my post back then get lost cause you dont deserve to be my friend. My friend should be there to encourage me and give me the support i need and not wish for me to be something else. Im not the dont care type. Once ive got something, ill hold on to it until im done. I hate giving up on things and i wont. Im gonna argue my way through to satisfy myself with the end results. Only then will i have peace and have a reason to celebrate Christmas. Yeah i got myself and my smile back. It took me a couple of days of deep thinking but it was all worth it. Now my biggest worry is that i still cant get it back.

Ive gotten my holiday homework. Two whole stacks of English to do. Im gonna do my so called timetable for the holidays, write down my aims and what i want to achieve and start abit on my homework. I intend to finish it by Saturday. I also need to start studying. Also because ive got retests and im gonna use that to prove myself that i deserve the post. If other people can do it, why cant i? Im still human. Im no different. Teachers keep using council as an excuse but its NOT! Im determined to do well in council, drama and my studies. I know i can do it and im willing to take the risk. Ive got the confidence in myself. And what i need from teachers is to support me through this and to have in the confidence and to believe in me. I CAN DO IT! If they were to go against this then they are just demoralising me and its gonna be even harder. I need the teachers to stop looking at me like that. I need them to smile at me again. Like they used to. I need them to be my friend not some bunch of mofos who gives me a pathetic smile or the sacarstic look that says aiyo no hope la you. I really dont mind if teachers read this cause its good that at least they know how I feel. But this is only 1/2 la. Actually lesser than that.

Im finally happy. Im happy about that. So ya. See ya peeps!

9:05 PM; unforgotten.Y