Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Its Halloween!!! Even if Singapore celebrates Halloween, i cant cause im a Catholic and the church is against Halloween. Damn! Errm went to school, went for lessons and i paid attention and i actually understand! Whoohoo! Umm school ended and us art students left school around 2pm+. We went to City Hall and the National Museum for some art exhibition called the Singapore Biennale 2006. I went around with Thiru. It was fun. We kept playing and fooling around. Haha we were at this room. Umm it was like a court. I went behind where the judge would sit and i sat there. Then i clenched my fists and banged on the table and shouted ''Order! Order!''. Haha then ah the tour guide if that is what you call her came in and was like ''Excuse me...you are not allowed to be there!'' Haha wah damn embarrassing! Hehe. The exhibits were nice. Really! This is the first time i went for soem art exhibition and saying this. The bus dropped us off at the Sembawang MRT station at 6pm. Thiru and i bought bread cause we were starving the whole day and we took the MRT back to Yishun. From the Yishun interchange we took 811 back home. I reached home, quickly took a shower, and rushed off to church to meet Teacher Pam. I saw Bryan sitting on the steps outside of chruch. He was going for mass. Then i went into the Cathegists room, saw Teacher Pam, Teacher Catherine and Teacher Julia were inside. Teacher Pam was talking to some people. I greeted them and they greeted me with incredibly huge smiles, passed Teacher Pam the reply slip for the confirmation camp and the 20 bucks and left. I saw Matthew outside church. He was also going for mass. Haha ill go tomorrow la. Cause todays mass and tomorrows mass is for tomorrows All Saints Day. Hmm then i went to the library and borrowed a times magazine and a book called *sensored* Haha. Came home, organised some stuff, slacked on the couch while watching one tree hill and room raiders and here i am blogging away. I currently cant see the screen properly. Aint sure if its the problem with the screen, im just too tired or my degree went up. Hopefully its the second one. Anyways i better go do my homework before going to bed. Nights!
11:23 PM; unforgotten.Y
Monday, October 30, 2006
As usual i went to school but at 8.45am. Wah whole day was assembly. Sigh ok la. Must think of the Y21 awards. I spoke to her. I hope that there is NO replacement. Im gonna study like shit until even my brains may burst due to overflow of information. I dont care! Im gonna prove it to them all that i can do it. They put their ''life'' at risk on the line. They made a promise and ill show you guys my promise. BUT PLEASEE DOONNNNTTT! WAIT FOR ME! I BEG YOU! I can only pray really hard now. Sigh im like damn worried about that.
PPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:04 PM; unforgotten.Y
Sunday, October 29, 2006
I couldnt wake up early to meet Cassandra and Shannon for mass today morning. So i had to miss it. Must start to sleep earlier. Then maybe my eyebags wouldnt be so bad. Hehe. Errm went for Cathegism class and met my sis under my block at 12.50pm after class. We took a bus to Suntec City and met daddy, Vicky, Sherman and Panja. Walked around and had our lunch there.
Then we went to Vivo City. It was a complete waste of time! The whole shopping centre was jam packed with like ''half of Singapore!'' It was like soo freaking noisy! I found myself in an irritant state. And for heavens sake its VIVO city NOT CHILDREN city! A freaking lot of children were like running everywhere and shouting and screaming. It was as though everywhere i turned, i could see a child. Ahhh!
Hmm around 5.55pm we went to Granny's place. Haha that was fun. We stayed and watched Miss Vasantham until 8pm. Throughout that whole time, i was sitted on the couch with Princess(my maltiese dog that my grandmother is helping me to take care of since i was 5 years old cause my mum didnt approve of it) lying down beside me. She is SOOO loving! I love her! Errm ya my dad ah...horrible! When the show was over, he immediately went like ok come shall we make a move? Haha he ah..i mean what would my grandmother think right?
Anyways we did leave and went to Upper Thomson road to eat at some prata place for dinner. On the way to that so called restaurant, my dad did some silly dance in the car when the red light was on. This chinese guy in the taxi beside our car caught my dad and refused to take his eyes off my dad. Haha my dad pretended as though nothing happened. Then while my dad was finding for a parking lot to park his car, we saw this indian man with a HUGE belly standing in the middle of an empty parking lot. He didnt move and could be mistaken for a statue. He was actually standing there so that no one else could park their car there. He was waiting for his own friend to come so that there was place for him to park. At the restaurant, i took one plain prata and one cheese prata. The plain prata was really soft and nice but the cheese was damn crispy. I didnt like it.
And then on the way home, my dad decided to take this Old Upper Thomson route. Its basically a really long and curvy one way road with little bright lights. It was quite scary actually. Halfway along the roadside, there was this sign that read.."Serious Accident, 22 October 2005 blah blah blah''. Wah..FREAKY! Haha halloween is coming what. =D And here i am blogging away. Tomorrow still got school at 9am. Its our E3 camp. I think i wanna go GYM tomorrow.
Aights im off..
Then we went to Vivo City. It was a complete waste of time! The whole shopping centre was jam packed with like ''half of Singapore!'' It was like soo freaking noisy! I found myself in an irritant state. And for heavens sake its VIVO city NOT CHILDREN city! A freaking lot of children were like running everywhere and shouting and screaming. It was as though everywhere i turned, i could see a child. Ahhh!
Hmm around 5.55pm we went to Granny's place. Haha that was fun. We stayed and watched Miss Vasantham until 8pm. Throughout that whole time, i was sitted on the couch with Princess(my maltiese dog that my grandmother is helping me to take care of since i was 5 years old cause my mum didnt approve of it) lying down beside me. She is SOOO loving! I love her! Errm ya my dad ah...horrible! When the show was over, he immediately went like ok come shall we make a move? Haha he ah..i mean what would my grandmother think right?
Anyways we did leave and went to Upper Thomson road to eat at some prata place for dinner. On the way to that so called restaurant, my dad did some silly dance in the car when the red light was on. This chinese guy in the taxi beside our car caught my dad and refused to take his eyes off my dad. Haha my dad pretended as though nothing happened. Then while my dad was finding for a parking lot to park his car, we saw this indian man with a HUGE belly standing in the middle of an empty parking lot. He didnt move and could be mistaken for a statue. He was actually standing there so that no one else could park their car there. He was waiting for his own friend to come so that there was place for him to park. At the restaurant, i took one plain prata and one cheese prata. The plain prata was really soft and nice but the cheese was damn crispy. I didnt like it.
And then on the way home, my dad decided to take this Old Upper Thomson route. Its basically a really long and curvy one way road with little bright lights. It was quite scary actually. Halfway along the roadside, there was this sign that read.."Serious Accident, 22 October 2005 blah blah blah''. Wah..FREAKY! Haha halloween is coming what. =D And here i am blogging away. Tomorrow still got school at 9am. Its our E3 camp. I think i wanna go GYM tomorrow.
Aights im off..
11:16 PM; unforgotten.Y
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Took a taxi to school. Paid the uncle $4.90. Made my order for my books with aunty Lily and off i went to Chong Pang. Checked out a course i was interested in. Wah $65!! Nevermind now that i got my ATM. Haha eh its for a good use ok! Took 800 from Chong Pang to the market and saw my mum. Followed her around the market until 12pm. Wah the market ah damn crowded and the friggin people were friggin INCONSIDERATE! I dont wanna get into that.
Anyways, i saw Jess, her mum and her sis at the market. Haha im gonna have to call her and we will go out. Cant wait! Gonna have fun fun and more fun with my bestie! Haha. Been a long time since we hung out anyways. Ahhh came home and basically rotted la. I get very lazy and sleepy and tired in the afternoons. Im usually hyper during 6pm -10am =>. That should explain why i always stay up late and wake up early and study only during this time and blog at this kinda times only. Hehe.
Well now im in a motivated state. I just watched Dil Dil Manathil on Vasantham central. Freak la today was the last episode. Its been going on for 2 years already. But it will be back said someone from Sinda. Its a tamil programme. Damn motivating! Its by SINDA. Everytime i watch that show, i always get motivated. Take it from me, someone who doesnt like tamil shows, that its GOOD! Hmm doing some important necessary planning. And im off!
Anyways, i saw Jess, her mum and her sis at the market. Haha im gonna have to call her and we will go out. Cant wait! Gonna have fun fun and more fun with my bestie! Haha. Been a long time since we hung out anyways. Ahhh came home and basically rotted la. I get very lazy and sleepy and tired in the afternoons. Im usually hyper during 6pm -10am =>. That should explain why i always stay up late and wake up early and study only during this time and blog at this kinda times only. Hehe.
Well now im in a motivated state. I just watched Dil Dil Manathil on Vasantham central. Freak la today was the last episode. Its been going on for 2 years already. But it will be back said someone from Sinda. Its a tamil programme. Damn motivating! Its by SINDA. Everytime i watch that show, i always get motivated. Take it from me, someone who doesnt like tamil shows, that its GOOD! Hmm doing some important necessary planning. And im off!
9:36 PM; unforgotten.Y
Friday, October 27, 2006
School ended yesterday so there isnt a need to go back to school today. Although, i still got the E3 camp and confirmation camp coming up. Mmm i still need to go back tomorrow though. Must pass my booklist thingy to Aunty Lily to make my order. Didnt do much today...just miss him. Nothing to blog about today..
See ya
See ya
11:27 PM; unforgotten.Y
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Wah today school was damn boring! Went to school, did some cleaning up, had a briefing by Mr Teo, collected back our report books, received our 20th anniversary magazine(got ALOT of my pictures and they dont even look good!), had a briefing from Mr Tan and school ended at 11.30pm. Rushed to see Ms Yeo for the third time this week but again she wasnt free. Fuck la! Rushed to Northpoint, bought lunch for my sister and i, reached home, ate my lunch within 10 minutes and took a taxi to school. Had to be in school by 2pm cause i had a Mental Skills Training workshop by Ms Nancy. Reached school by 1.35pm and sat with Thiru and her mum for a while. Then i went to the Council room and saw Nikita and Johnny boy. Went for the workshop and together with Mizrahi, April and Melissa, we are gonna join this ice cream making competition in NYP. Wheee! Excited! Haha...Then i met my dad, sis, Panja and Sherman at the Yishun Stadium. I ran three rounds around the track and went to GYM. Then we ate at a coffee shop in central.Just reached home.
I motivated myself after my dad told me to quit council. He told me to let it go. But NO! I wont let it go. Im not gonna give up, i dont want to and i wont! I worked hard for it and im gonna do it until its the right time for me to step down. Council is NO excuse for bad results. Its all in your head. You keep getting influenced by what people say. Its no stress at all if you know how to handle it. You must be able to think maturely and logically and only then you will enjoy it. I got alot to type la but im saving it for Ms Yeo. If any of you really think that im not meant to be ex co when what im doing is working towards getting my post back then get lost cause you dont deserve to be my friend. My friend should be there to encourage me and give me the support i need and not wish for me to be something else. Im not the dont care type. Once ive got something, ill hold on to it until im done. I hate giving up on things and i wont. Im gonna argue my way through to satisfy myself with the end results. Only then will i have peace and have a reason to celebrate Christmas. Yeah i got myself and my smile back. It took me a couple of days of deep thinking but it was all worth it. Now my biggest worry is that i still cant get it back.
Ive gotten my holiday homework. Two whole stacks of English to do. Im gonna do my so called timetable for the holidays, write down my aims and what i want to achieve and start abit on my homework. I intend to finish it by Saturday. I also need to start studying. Also because ive got retests and im gonna use that to prove myself that i deserve the post. If other people can do it, why cant i? Im still human. Im no different. Teachers keep using council as an excuse but its NOT! Im determined to do well in council, drama and my studies. I know i can do it and im willing to take the risk. Ive got the confidence in myself. And what i need from teachers is to support me through this and to have in the confidence and to believe in me. I CAN DO IT! If they were to go against this then they are just demoralising me and its gonna be even harder. I need the teachers to stop looking at me like that. I need them to smile at me again. Like they used to. I need them to be my friend not some bunch of mofos who gives me a pathetic smile or the sacarstic look that says aiyo no hope la you. I really dont mind if teachers read this cause its good that at least they know how I feel. But this is only 1/2 la. Actually lesser than that.
Im finally happy. Im happy about that. So ya. See ya peeps!
I motivated myself after my dad told me to quit council. He told me to let it go. But NO! I wont let it go. Im not gonna give up, i dont want to and i wont! I worked hard for it and im gonna do it until its the right time for me to step down. Council is NO excuse for bad results. Its all in your head. You keep getting influenced by what people say. Its no stress at all if you know how to handle it. You must be able to think maturely and logically and only then you will enjoy it. I got alot to type la but im saving it for Ms Yeo. If any of you really think that im not meant to be ex co when what im doing is working towards getting my post back then get lost cause you dont deserve to be my friend. My friend should be there to encourage me and give me the support i need and not wish for me to be something else. Im not the dont care type. Once ive got something, ill hold on to it until im done. I hate giving up on things and i wont. Im gonna argue my way through to satisfy myself with the end results. Only then will i have peace and have a reason to celebrate Christmas. Yeah i got myself and my smile back. It took me a couple of days of deep thinking but it was all worth it. Now my biggest worry is that i still cant get it back.
Ive gotten my holiday homework. Two whole stacks of English to do. Im gonna do my so called timetable for the holidays, write down my aims and what i want to achieve and start abit on my homework. I intend to finish it by Saturday. I also need to start studying. Also because ive got retests and im gonna use that to prove myself that i deserve the post. If other people can do it, why cant i? Im still human. Im no different. Teachers keep using council as an excuse but its NOT! Im determined to do well in council, drama and my studies. I know i can do it and im willing to take the risk. Ive got the confidence in myself. And what i need from teachers is to support me through this and to have in the confidence and to believe in me. I CAN DO IT! If they were to go against this then they are just demoralising me and its gonna be even harder. I need the teachers to stop looking at me like that. I need them to smile at me again. Like they used to. I need them to be my friend not some bunch of mofos who gives me a pathetic smile or the sacarstic look that says aiyo no hope la you. I really dont mind if teachers read this cause its good that at least they know how I feel. But this is only 1/2 la. Actually lesser than that.
Im finally happy. Im happy about that. So ya. See ya peeps!
9:05 PM; unforgotten.Y
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Today is actually my mums birthday. Its also a fucked up day la. Went to school and realised that there was actually a class performance practice but i didnt know. Felt pissed so i decided to have breakfast with Nicole and thus i wasnt in the dance.
Went for the deepa-raya fiesta concert and ok la i enjoyed parts of it. The banner looked nice although i thought that Ms Gayathiri and Mrs Kumari added too much other stuffs to the banner.
Then had recess. During recess i suddenly became very emo. I felt like shit all of a sudden. Was in the council room. I wanted to be alone but at the same time i wanted support and company. I dont know la. I felt like crying. I suddenly felt soo left out cause of my results and council and drama. Basically everything la. Its like im the only one going through this and is being greatly affected by it too. I suddenly feel like im alone and there no one else around. Like i dont have friends.
I feel lost. And when i was in the council room and when i was among the councilors, i suddenly felt like i have never been a councilor before and sitting among them was soo awkward! Im under depression!!! Im serious. I wanna be happy again. Im sick and tired of being depressed and sad. I wanna stay strong. In fact im trying to stay strong in front of my juniors and for them. But i really cant! Im falling apart. Its like the impact is hanging onto me. I dont know why. I dont know what to do. I wanna run away. I wanna get out of this sticky mess. I want freedom! Im emo-ing.
If tomorrow im in a bad mood, LEAVE ME ALONE! Im probably gonna start pissing and shouting at people and ive never done that but ive got a feeling that from now on, i will. This whole year has been a bad one. Worse than anything ive ever faced. Worse than last year. Adding everything up makes it feel even worse than loosing Randy. I wish he was here. I dont know why but i want him here. I still love him. Im holding onto sooo many things right now. I just cant let go of them. I want to but i just cant! I want to talk to that someone about all this. But i know that someone will eventually get sick and tired of all this and will one day decide to avoid me.
People ask me if im ok now. But one day they will give up. Its always like that. I mean they WILL get sick and tired of this. I feel like i lost myself. My smile. My laughter. My joy. My happiness. My freedom. My sense of belonging. My confidence. Them. It. Him. Me....I lost it all and i want it all back. Im struggling to stay strong and fight this battle but im not succeeding. I need support. I need comfort.
I dont know whats wrong with me. Why am i suddenly emo-ing??? Everything here is about me, myself and i. All my life i have always put other peoples feelings in front of me. Their needs in front of me. Them in front of me. I always gave in and went to them first. I always looked at myself as the second one. But now i really dont give a damn. Cause the world and people are cruel! They dont give a damn. I need to care about myself. I dont give a damn about others anymore.
I wanna transfer school and im serious. Better still i wanna migrate elsewhere. I wanna start everything from square one and i wanna forget about everything. I wanna leave my past behind me and move on not having to worry about anything. I wish i stayed in NA. I would have been topping the shit out of people. I would have been more successful. I would have proper friends. I would have something to look forward to everday. I would have a reason to wake up. I would have a reason to breathe and live. I would have the happiness ive been seeking for my whole life. Im depressed!
I need counselling. I wanna get counselled. I wanna cut my hand like i did last year. I wanna smoke and feel the hot smoke going into my lungs and slowly feasting on my life. I wanna die faster and leave everything behind. Yes...its always and I cause i give no fuck about others anymore. They dont care about me. I dont see the need to care about them. I care only for those who really care. I want someone to actually care. I wanna feel cared about. Whats more...I want my self and my smile back.
After that then there was the talent quest. I ''lost'' someones something and in the end i dont want to talk about it la. After school i went home with Nishaa. At the Yishun interchange, met Humaira, Dina and Rosalia. The five of us went to Long Johns to eat. Then went to buy my mum a $69 earing from Taka Jewellery. And we went home.
Went for the deepa-raya fiesta concert and ok la i enjoyed parts of it. The banner looked nice although i thought that Ms Gayathiri and Mrs Kumari added too much other stuffs to the banner.
Then had recess. During recess i suddenly became very emo. I felt like shit all of a sudden. Was in the council room. I wanted to be alone but at the same time i wanted support and company. I dont know la. I felt like crying. I suddenly felt soo left out cause of my results and council and drama. Basically everything la. Its like im the only one going through this and is being greatly affected by it too. I suddenly feel like im alone and there no one else around. Like i dont have friends.
I feel lost. And when i was in the council room and when i was among the councilors, i suddenly felt like i have never been a councilor before and sitting among them was soo awkward! Im under depression!!! Im serious. I wanna be happy again. Im sick and tired of being depressed and sad. I wanna stay strong. In fact im trying to stay strong in front of my juniors and for them. But i really cant! Im falling apart. Its like the impact is hanging onto me. I dont know why. I dont know what to do. I wanna run away. I wanna get out of this sticky mess. I want freedom! Im emo-ing.
If tomorrow im in a bad mood, LEAVE ME ALONE! Im probably gonna start pissing and shouting at people and ive never done that but ive got a feeling that from now on, i will. This whole year has been a bad one. Worse than anything ive ever faced. Worse than last year. Adding everything up makes it feel even worse than loosing Randy. I wish he was here. I dont know why but i want him here. I still love him. Im holding onto sooo many things right now. I just cant let go of them. I want to but i just cant! I want to talk to that someone about all this. But i know that someone will eventually get sick and tired of all this and will one day decide to avoid me.
People ask me if im ok now. But one day they will give up. Its always like that. I mean they WILL get sick and tired of this. I feel like i lost myself. My smile. My laughter. My joy. My happiness. My freedom. My sense of belonging. My confidence. Them. It. Him. Me....I lost it all and i want it all back. Im struggling to stay strong and fight this battle but im not succeeding. I need support. I need comfort.
I dont know whats wrong with me. Why am i suddenly emo-ing??? Everything here is about me, myself and i. All my life i have always put other peoples feelings in front of me. Their needs in front of me. Them in front of me. I always gave in and went to them first. I always looked at myself as the second one. But now i really dont give a damn. Cause the world and people are cruel! They dont give a damn. I need to care about myself. I dont give a damn about others anymore.
I wanna transfer school and im serious. Better still i wanna migrate elsewhere. I wanna start everything from square one and i wanna forget about everything. I wanna leave my past behind me and move on not having to worry about anything. I wish i stayed in NA. I would have been topping the shit out of people. I would have been more successful. I would have proper friends. I would have something to look forward to everday. I would have a reason to wake up. I would have a reason to breathe and live. I would have the happiness ive been seeking for my whole life. Im depressed!
I need counselling. I wanna get counselled. I wanna cut my hand like i did last year. I wanna smoke and feel the hot smoke going into my lungs and slowly feasting on my life. I wanna die faster and leave everything behind. Yes...its always and I cause i give no fuck about others anymore. They dont care about me. I dont see the need to care about them. I care only for those who really care. I want someone to actually care. I wanna feel cared about. Whats more...I want my self and my smile back.
After that then there was the talent quest. I ''lost'' someones something and in the end i dont want to talk about it la. After school i went home with Nishaa. At the Yishun interchange, met Humaira, Dina and Rosalia. The five of us went to Long Johns to eat. Then went to buy my mum a $69 earing from Taka Jewellery. And we went home.
10:50 PM; unforgotten.Y
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Today is Hari Raya. Followed my dad to Vicky's friend's, Rose, house at Marsling Rise. Her house was nice. So was the food. Her husband and mother were damn friendly! So nice. This is what i like about malay people. They are really nice. Not like some indians...freaking rough and ugh!
Felt better with my dad la. I wish i was living with my dad. At least i got the support from him and Vicky. Vicky told her friend's mum that i am her daughter! So touched. Its like finally knowing that i have a mum. My real mum is like wah lau! I mean after all thats happened, im really hurt. Im living with my real mum but she cant see that i am. Its either she cant see it or she just doesnt give a damn. Wah she scolded me in front of Mr Teo, Mr Tan and Mr Lee Ah Liat. What the hell? Was that all an act? She didnt care! Although my dad doesnt know the whole story, he knows about the council part and he can tell that im deeply hurt and sad. Whats more, he doesnt live with me. I really wish i was living with him. At least then..even if ive been sacked from council or worse, i will know that i havent lost one thing. The love and support from my dad. Sigh life sucks la.
Felt better with my dad la. I wish i was living with my dad. At least i got the support from him and Vicky. Vicky told her friend's mum that i am her daughter! So touched. Its like finally knowing that i have a mum. My real mum is like wah lau! I mean after all thats happened, im really hurt. Im living with my real mum but she cant see that i am. Its either she cant see it or she just doesnt give a damn. Wah she scolded me in front of Mr Teo, Mr Tan and Mr Lee Ah Liat. What the hell? Was that all an act? She didnt care! Although my dad doesnt know the whole story, he knows about the council part and he can tell that im deeply hurt and sad. Whats more, he doesnt live with me. I really wish i was living with him. At least then..even if ive been sacked from council or worse, i will know that i havent lost one thing. The love and support from my dad. Sigh life sucks la.
9:56 PM; unforgotten.Y
SAD LAAAAAAAAH!
Yesterday when i went to bed and found some sleep, i had a nightmare.
I kept thinking about it in my sleep.
But the good thing is, ive got and idea.
Its worth a try.
And if it fails, im a failure.
Im never gonna be happy...for a long long time.
SIGH.....
Its painful la really.
You wont understand it...TRUST ME!
Yesterday after blogging, my dad called and asked me to follow my sis to Vicky's sister's,Uma, house for a belated Deepavali celebration. No choice la had to go. So I went there and ate cookies and just rotted la. Walked around and i rotted and time really flew by. Then my dad asked me to sit with him on the couch. I sat and he talked to me. He shook my hand and was like ''Congratulations. You got promoted. Im proud of you. Now you must work really hard. Council wont give you anything. Its just for name. Let it go.'' All i did was shook my head. He even ask me why i was still soo upset. Cant you tell that since i didnt tell you anything about my results, i obviously didnt get to sec4 soo easily? I mean if i did he would be the first in my family to know! I felt really bad la cause i think my mum didnt tell him exactly what had happened. I wanted to but i know he would only call me everyday and tell me to study which will stress me out. He would only worry about me when he is already worried about the 101 things there are to worry about. It will worsen his heatlh condition. He would only tell me that i must stay at home and study when they are going out. Thats why i cant tell you. Already as it is, my mum knows and its going to be hell at home! FUCK! I really want to talk about all this to my dad but i just cant. I usually like talking to my dad cause its nice to get his advice and he is a really wise person. He really knows how to motivate others and spurr them to go on. He knows how to make me feel better. I just cant! =<
Next week my aunt(my dads step sis) and my uncle, Sheila and Alex will be coming to Singapore from Holland. I dont know how to carry myself in front of them now. I dont know how to keep that smile on my face. I dont know whats going to happen. Even my sis dont know about all this. I dont intend to tell her. She was once a student councilor in her school with a post and in her cca too. She did well and graduated. I wanted to be like that. I was almost there. But now everything is gone. I know that if i sit and really think about this, i will think maturely but i dont wish to. I dont want to give up my post just like that. Just because Mr Fucking Tan says i have to i wont! Im not ready. And mind you ah. You forced me to give it up. You didnt give me a fair decision you moron! Mofos like you deserve to rot in hell!
Yesterday when i went to bed and found some sleep, i had a nightmare.
I kept thinking about it in my sleep.
But the good thing is, ive got and idea.
Its worth a try.
And if it fails, im a failure.
Im never gonna be happy...for a long long time.
SIGH.....
Its painful la really.
You wont understand it...TRUST ME!
Yesterday after blogging, my dad called and asked me to follow my sis to Vicky's sister's,Uma, house for a belated Deepavali celebration. No choice la had to go. So I went there and ate cookies and just rotted la. Walked around and i rotted and time really flew by. Then my dad asked me to sit with him on the couch. I sat and he talked to me. He shook my hand and was like ''Congratulations. You got promoted. Im proud of you. Now you must work really hard. Council wont give you anything. Its just for name. Let it go.'' All i did was shook my head. He even ask me why i was still soo upset. Cant you tell that since i didnt tell you anything about my results, i obviously didnt get to sec4 soo easily? I mean if i did he would be the first in my family to know! I felt really bad la cause i think my mum didnt tell him exactly what had happened. I wanted to but i know he would only call me everyday and tell me to study which will stress me out. He would only worry about me when he is already worried about the 101 things there are to worry about. It will worsen his heatlh condition. He would only tell me that i must stay at home and study when they are going out. Thats why i cant tell you. Already as it is, my mum knows and its going to be hell at home! FUCK! I really want to talk about all this to my dad but i just cant. I usually like talking to my dad cause its nice to get his advice and he is a really wise person. He really knows how to motivate others and spurr them to go on. He knows how to make me feel better. I just cant! =<
Next week my aunt(my dads step sis) and my uncle, Sheila and Alex will be coming to Singapore from Holland. I dont know how to carry myself in front of them now. I dont know how to keep that smile on my face. I dont know whats going to happen. Even my sis dont know about all this. I dont intend to tell her. She was once a student councilor in her school with a post and in her cca too. She did well and graduated. I wanted to be like that. I was almost there. But now everything is gone. I know that if i sit and really think about this, i will think maturely but i dont wish to. I dont want to give up my post just like that. Just because Mr Fucking Tan says i have to i wont! Im not ready. And mind you ah. You forced me to give it up. You didnt give me a fair decision you moron! Mofos like you deserve to rot in hell!
11:12 AM; unforgotten.Y
Monday, October 23, 2006
I wanna blog but i really dont know how to blog what im feeling out. Im feeling like shit! And i wanna scream my whole heart out..im sick and tired of this fucked up life. I really dont believe in god anymore. I wanna die and never exist. I wanna smoke my life away. I wanna bang my head on a mirror soo hard that bits of mirror gets stuck in my head.I wanna slash my wrists till you cant even see the cuts on my flesh. I wanna commit a murder. I wanna get fucked. I wanna fuck someone. I wanna go bold and walk down the streets of town. I wanna wear a hood and hide myself forever. I wanna burn Yishun Town Secondary School down cause i hate it sooo much! I wanna be able to have things going my way. I wanna see fucktards getting their heads chopped off. I want you to eat my shit! I wanna be a fucking typical. I wanna go to the girls home. I wanna runaway with a stranger. I wanna drink till i get drunk and dance the night away. I wanna fall into a deep sleep and wake up to find myself in a coffin. I wanna be burried alive. I wanna get skined alive and get burned until theres nothing but ashes. I wanna dig my own eyeballs out and keep them for showcase. I wanna cut my own tongue and feed them to huge hungry dogs.
11:01 PM; unforgotten.Y
Im under depression for good! Mr Tan took me out of council and thats the thing that matters most to me! (*FUCKING* is supposed to be somewhere in the sentence though.) I dont even like 3/3. If i had to choose between 3/3 and council. Its council! Council is like my very own family.
I am advanced to sec4e3 but fuck it la! Im no more in council and i have to step down as an ex co from drama. ITS FUCKING NOT FAIR. I want to just die la. From a somebody im a nobody now. Since sec1 i always had the dream of having my posts in council and drama written on my testimonial when i graduate. Ive been bloody hell wanting to walk into the hall and up the stage to receive the certificate of appreciation from the principle on the Council Investiture day. Now EVERYTHING is gone! My dreams are all gone! You wont understand it cause you dont care about Council like i do!
The Christine you always knew is gonna change. Im gonna start rebelling and doing all the bad things only because it satisfies me. I hate myself now. Im a fucking NOBODY!
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
I am advanced to sec4e3 but fuck it la! Im no more in council and i have to step down as an ex co from drama. ITS FUCKING NOT FAIR. I want to just die la. From a somebody im a nobody now. Since sec1 i always had the dream of having my posts in council and drama written on my testimonial when i graduate. Ive been bloody hell wanting to walk into the hall and up the stage to receive the certificate of appreciation from the principle on the Council Investiture day. Now EVERYTHING is gone! My dreams are all gone! You wont understand it cause you dont care about Council like i do!
The Christine you always knew is gonna change. Im gonna start rebelling and doing all the bad things only because it satisfies me. I hate myself now. Im a fucking NOBODY!
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
3:37 PM; unforgotten.Y
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Yesterday about 5pm like that i left my house to go to my dads place to celebrate deepavali. Yup, like what i told Jai, i rotted over there. Hmm nothing much to do there la. I am currently the only teenager and the closest age to mine is 12! Everyone else who are younger than i am are all boys. Sigh..then Uma's son, Akash, was 'ogling' at me. Whats more he is only 5 years old! Not the first time actually. He tried to kiss me last year. Ahhh! Before that, my dad told me that 11 year old Dalvin kept asking for me. Has the world gone mad? I mean if it was someone older than i am then its a different story but hello!?! They are CHILDREN!!! Argh! Hmm reached home around 11.45pm yesterday and had abit of a tummy upset. Ate too many different foods la.
Lala woke up at 10am today cause i slept at 2am the night before. Hmm went to church in the morning and Teacher Pam settled some admin matters and gave us our pack list for the camp in i think 1 or 2 weeks time. Im thinking of joining the Youth Group. Sounds and looks kinda fun. Yeah! Its every Friday from 7.30pm-10pm in church. Cool huh?
Yeps, tomorrow is the day many things are gonna happen. My mum has to go to my school at 9am and we have to see my form teacher regarding my promotion thingy. If i get promoted then its YAYNESS for me. But if i dont then it might be the last time you guys will see me. My auditions for the drama SYF is tomorrow. Yet to memorise the script. And i have to get excused early from drama cause i need to go to Uma's house. She is inviting us over for deepavali.
One problem, ill be going to her house straight from school right? I have no idea how to get there. It is a condominium. Forgot what its name is. All i know is that it is far far away. At the other side of Singapore. Yipes!
Lala woke up at 10am today cause i slept at 2am the night before. Hmm went to church in the morning and Teacher Pam settled some admin matters and gave us our pack list for the camp in i think 1 or 2 weeks time. Im thinking of joining the Youth Group. Sounds and looks kinda fun. Yeah! Its every Friday from 7.30pm-10pm in church. Cool huh?
Yeps, tomorrow is the day many things are gonna happen. My mum has to go to my school at 9am and we have to see my form teacher regarding my promotion thingy. If i get promoted then its YAYNESS for me. But if i dont then it might be the last time you guys will see me. My auditions for the drama SYF is tomorrow. Yet to memorise the script. And i have to get excused early from drama cause i need to go to Uma's house. She is inviting us over for deepavali.
One problem, ill be going to her house straight from school right? I have no idea how to get there. It is a condominium. Forgot what its name is. All i know is that it is far far away. At the other side of Singapore. Yipes!
5:42 PM; unforgotten.Y
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Today is Deepavali. Theres nothing for me to celebrate this year. I aint happy with myself and with what happened. Im in no mood to celebrate. I probably wont celebrate Christmas either. There really isnt any reason for me to celebrate. Later in the evening i have to go to my dads place cause my sis and i do that every year. But...i really dont want to go there later. Both my parents have to go see Mr Teo this Monday. And im sure to die. I dont know how to explain it la.. Its like i go there and everyone is happy but im the only one who is really sad and worried inside. I dont want to have to put on a show to lie to everyone that i am happy. It sucks really. The worst part is that i let my teachers down. Some are even looking down on me. IT SUCKS!!! My sis told me that i should have every reason to celebrate not deepvali but my promotion to sec4 Express next year. But then..i dont feel like i deserve it. I will bloody hell not celebrate anything if im not in exco for council and drama anymore. If so, there really isnt any reason to celebrate cause its like taking the light of my life in Yishun Town away from me.
12:12 PM; unforgotten.Y
Friday, October 20, 2006
Today is my schools Promotion Day. So there was no school. I woke up at 9.30am. Actually 8 something in the morning, Mr Goh Kern Hai called me to settle some things la. Then ya la.. When i woke up in the morning, i was in a really bad mood for some reason. I watched MTV and then went to bath at around 10.10am. Came out, changed, ate my 3 pancakes within 2 minutes and rushed to school. I had Mr Paul Low's talk and then the banner making for the deepa-raya concert and then Drama SYF training.
On the way, i went to the Chung Nana bookshop and bought 12 papers, 3 styrofoam boards and two red tinsels. Then i took 859 and headed for school. Reached school at 11.55am and saw Iffa. Talked to her for 10 minutes and went to the Council room where the people helping me out with the banner were. Ren Zhong and Mizrahi were there and i found out that the timing for the talk has been changed to 10am. I was like uh? I missed the course? DAMNATION!
Then Mr Yeo came to the Counil room and talked/disturbed the councilors. He saw me and was like Christine come i need to talk to you. So i went to him outside the Council room. And...
Mr Yeo : How are your results?
Me: Errm very bad...
Mr yeo: Your name was actually mentioned just now. I just want you to know that alot of teachers stood up for you. Mr Teo will be speaking to you soon and there will be a follow up so just follow up.
Me: Umm ok...
Wah he really scared me!
Nikita and Sarah then came to the council room to take pictures. I was on the verge of crying cause I was like really upset and afraid. My mum called and was like...she said im promoted thanks to the teachers. The principle actually wanted to retain me. Bloody hell! Mr Teo also promised the Principle that I WILL pass my exams next year. My mum promised my teacher the same too. DAMN! But I will most probably get sacked from council or I wont be an exco anymore in drama and in council. Fuck la all my hard work is like gone down the drain. I rather quit la! Then i went to find for Ms Chng to get the key to the Drama room. I was waiting for her outside the staff room and at that time all the teachers were on their way out of the staff room to the conference room for a meeting. They kept giving me the pathetic look, the EXTRA cheerful look and the rest ignored me. Its like EVERY SINGLE teacher knows who i am now. Then Ms Tan Ping Ping came out and gave me a scary look with a smile and was like ''Notice alot of teachers giving you this look?" And i was like ya. And all she said was "Naughty girl ah you!", smiled and walked away. After which i saw Mr Emmanuel Teo, my form teacher la. He weakly smiled at me with teary red eyes. Did he cry??? Then Mr Siau came out, saw me, went like "Eh! Naughty girl". Haha wa lau! Like what the hell?
Then i got the key and went for drama. During drama, Ms Joanne(my instructor) was like "You are the nicest girl i have ever seen!" Haha i was supposed to play this bossy bitchy role for my audition for SYF. And im a NICE person..NOT a BITCHY one. Haha well..ya. Came home with Jannah and Suhaidah. Saw Tina on the way with her mother. And here i am blogging.
Sigh im still sad la. Today is the eve of Deepavali. I dont feel like celebrating deepavali with my dad tomorrow. I feel as though i dont deserve to celebrate one bit.
Although im promoted, im still extra sad la....
On the way, i went to the Chung Nana bookshop and bought 12 papers, 3 styrofoam boards and two red tinsels. Then i took 859 and headed for school. Reached school at 11.55am and saw Iffa. Talked to her for 10 minutes and went to the Council room where the people helping me out with the banner were. Ren Zhong and Mizrahi were there and i found out that the timing for the talk has been changed to 10am. I was like uh? I missed the course? DAMNATION!
Then Mr Yeo came to the Counil room and talked/disturbed the councilors. He saw me and was like Christine come i need to talk to you. So i went to him outside the Council room. And...
Mr Yeo : How are your results?
Me: Errm very bad...
Mr yeo: Your name was actually mentioned just now. I just want you to know that alot of teachers stood up for you. Mr Teo will be speaking to you soon and there will be a follow up so just follow up.
Me: Umm ok...
Wah he really scared me!
Nikita and Sarah then came to the council room to take pictures. I was on the verge of crying cause I was like really upset and afraid. My mum called and was like...she said im promoted thanks to the teachers. The principle actually wanted to retain me. Bloody hell! Mr Teo also promised the Principle that I WILL pass my exams next year. My mum promised my teacher the same too. DAMN! But I will most probably get sacked from council or I wont be an exco anymore in drama and in council. Fuck la all my hard work is like gone down the drain. I rather quit la! Then i went to find for Ms Chng to get the key to the Drama room. I was waiting for her outside the staff room and at that time all the teachers were on their way out of the staff room to the conference room for a meeting. They kept giving me the pathetic look, the EXTRA cheerful look and the rest ignored me. Its like EVERY SINGLE teacher knows who i am now. Then Ms Tan Ping Ping came out and gave me a scary look with a smile and was like ''Notice alot of teachers giving you this look?" And i was like ya. And all she said was "Naughty girl ah you!", smiled and walked away. After which i saw Mr Emmanuel Teo, my form teacher la. He weakly smiled at me with teary red eyes. Did he cry??? Then Mr Siau came out, saw me, went like "Eh! Naughty girl". Haha wa lau! Like what the hell?
Then i got the key and went for drama. During drama, Ms Joanne(my instructor) was like "You are the nicest girl i have ever seen!" Haha i was supposed to play this bossy bitchy role for my audition for SYF. And im a NICE person..NOT a BITCHY one. Haha well..ya. Came home with Jannah and Suhaidah. Saw Tina on the way with her mother. And here i am blogging.
Sigh im still sad la. Today is the eve of Deepavali. I dont feel like celebrating deepavali with my dad tomorrow. I feel as though i dont deserve to celebrate one bit.
Although im promoted, im still extra sad la....
9:12 PM; unforgotten.Y
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Today is my school's Graduation Day. I had to do council duty - registration. Haha a slackers duty la. Marissa and i sat together and talked to the foyer ushers who were around. Then later she left and Ernest and Vicknesh joined me. We sat and talked and talked. Then later Vicknesh and I went to talk more...haha kind of a secret la. Mmmm ya then Becky, Marissa, Yvonne, Jessie, Siti, Hui Meng, Joanna and Cheryl left for home. Only Cheryl, Yvonne, Becky, Marissa and i took 859. The rest either went to eat or took 962. When we reached Northpoint, Marissa accompanied me to Popular but we couldnt get in cause they were closing. Thus i have to change the timing from 9.30am - 12pm tomorrow. I need to go back to school to make the Deepa-Raya Fiesta Banner, Mr Paul Low's talk and Drama SFY training. I also need to move the plants which were used as decorations on stage and all to the first floor. I will only ve able to leave school at 6pm. NOO! Haiya...
I purposely did not want to mix around with the graduating students la. I will cry..Very touching...im quite close to a number of them. Today morning, Hui Meng, Ken, Mizrahi, Zheng Liang, Fasihah, Samantha, Zurain and a few other sec 1's helped me pin up the banner for Graduation Day including the cloth. THANK YOU! We did it during the morning assembly too. Cause we didnt want to like leave it when it is half way done la. Then after school i had to go look for Mr Goh Kern Hai cause he wanted to see me. Then he asked about the balloons that was supposed to be at the side of the walls. And..i went like i dont think i can get it done cause i dont have the pump to blow the ballons that are not clean for our mouths to come in contact so that we can manually blow them all. And he suggested that we use the Hari Raya decorations. Wah! Haha kinda crazy la. Then i was going down the stairs when i saw one of the school staff who is my close friend, Uncle Jeya. I asked him if he had a pump and he said no but he helped me ask the D&T uncle for help. The D&T uncle agreed and let us use that pump like thing. It was also his birthday. So i thanked him and wished him la. Then ya i managed to get the balloons up in the end. Mr Goh Kern Hai was happy la. Good good!
Wah i just ate my dinner at 10.40pm leh. Cant sleep until 1.40am cause it needs to be digested. Hmm Lan Yun gave me some advice today. She talked to me and said that retaining would be better. But i die die want to get advanced or promoted. I think ill ask to speak to Mdm Sauda alone la. Ill beg her and ill get on my knees and do so if i have to. I think i roughly know what to tell her already. And im very determined to work VERY hard this time. Tomorrow im gonna plan my timetable. When the exams were over, i told myself..just because the exams are over, it doesnt mean that i have to stop studying. Now im telling myself. Although i might not stand a chance, at least im trying and its not too late. YET.
Today ah...I was supposed to pair with Ferroz for the class dance for next Wednesday's talent quest. Then i wanted to change to partner Hui Meng. This is for Ferroz la. I didnt want to change because i didnt want to pair with you. Its nothing like that. In fact i really dont mind. You are like a nice friend to me la. Its just that i dont want to go to school next Wednesday and since Hui Meng also wants to do the same, its like a pair missing and it wouldnt create any trouble or make a difference. That is one. Two, I am already not very close with my classmates. I only have a few close friends from class and thats a sad thing la. But ya..so obviously i wouldnt have any interest of wanting to take part in any activities that involves out class la. Three, I have no mood after seeing my results. How to think of dancing when i produced such bad results. Im more like depressed la. Four, I know that I dont stand a chance of moving up to sec4e3 next year thus, I dont want to tale part in this la. Its like redundant la. I am also not going for the chalet. It wouldnt make a difference really.
Cant even think of celebrating Deepavali or Christmas or going visiting to my friends houses anymore. In fact i dont want to la. Hui Meng suggested that we actually celebrate Christmas with the secondary three councilors after i told her that i doubt i can celebrate Christmas this year. I think its a great idea la. At least its better than celebrating it with my family la. I would feel better and happier also.
Wanna know what happened yesterday? My dad asked if i got my results back and i said ya when i wanted to say no. Then i only told him that i passed maths and failed art. Like that only he got pissed with me. Wah he immediately went like art, 1 down. Tamil confirm down- 2. Chemistry i doubt so - 3. Social studies i dont think so - 4. How many subjects you taking. The point is, its like he is looking down on me lor. Before i could tell him that i failed the other subjects, he already assumed that i did. Fucker la he! Im very pissed with him. My mum on the other hand, sms'd me yesterday evening and was like nevermind if you didnt do well for your exam. Its not end of the world. You can still try again. We all still love you. And to think i was thinking of committing suicide. Its like i suddenly feel so lonely. Dont know why also...
*VERY SAD*
I purposely did not want to mix around with the graduating students la. I will cry..Very touching...im quite close to a number of them. Today morning, Hui Meng, Ken, Mizrahi, Zheng Liang, Fasihah, Samantha, Zurain and a few other sec 1's helped me pin up the banner for Graduation Day including the cloth. THANK YOU! We did it during the morning assembly too. Cause we didnt want to like leave it when it is half way done la. Then after school i had to go look for Mr Goh Kern Hai cause he wanted to see me. Then he asked about the balloons that was supposed to be at the side of the walls. And..i went like i dont think i can get it done cause i dont have the pump to blow the ballons that are not clean for our mouths to come in contact so that we can manually blow them all. And he suggested that we use the Hari Raya decorations. Wah! Haha kinda crazy la. Then i was going down the stairs when i saw one of the school staff who is my close friend, Uncle Jeya. I asked him if he had a pump and he said no but he helped me ask the D&T uncle for help. The D&T uncle agreed and let us use that pump like thing. It was also his birthday. So i thanked him and wished him la. Then ya i managed to get the balloons up in the end. Mr Goh Kern Hai was happy la. Good good!
Wah i just ate my dinner at 10.40pm leh. Cant sleep until 1.40am cause it needs to be digested. Hmm Lan Yun gave me some advice today. She talked to me and said that retaining would be better. But i die die want to get advanced or promoted. I think ill ask to speak to Mdm Sauda alone la. Ill beg her and ill get on my knees and do so if i have to. I think i roughly know what to tell her already. And im very determined to work VERY hard this time. Tomorrow im gonna plan my timetable. When the exams were over, i told myself..just because the exams are over, it doesnt mean that i have to stop studying. Now im telling myself. Although i might not stand a chance, at least im trying and its not too late. YET.
Today ah...I was supposed to pair with Ferroz for the class dance for next Wednesday's talent quest. Then i wanted to change to partner Hui Meng. This is for Ferroz la. I didnt want to change because i didnt want to pair with you. Its nothing like that. In fact i really dont mind. You are like a nice friend to me la. Its just that i dont want to go to school next Wednesday and since Hui Meng also wants to do the same, its like a pair missing and it wouldnt create any trouble or make a difference. That is one. Two, I am already not very close with my classmates. I only have a few close friends from class and thats a sad thing la. But ya..so obviously i wouldnt have any interest of wanting to take part in any activities that involves out class la. Three, I have no mood after seeing my results. How to think of dancing when i produced such bad results. Im more like depressed la. Four, I know that I dont stand a chance of moving up to sec4e3 next year thus, I dont want to tale part in this la. Its like redundant la. I am also not going for the chalet. It wouldnt make a difference really.
Cant even think of celebrating Deepavali or Christmas or going visiting to my friends houses anymore. In fact i dont want to la. Hui Meng suggested that we actually celebrate Christmas with the secondary three councilors after i told her that i doubt i can celebrate Christmas this year. I think its a great idea la. At least its better than celebrating it with my family la. I would feel better and happier also.
Wanna know what happened yesterday? My dad asked if i got my results back and i said ya when i wanted to say no. Then i only told him that i passed maths and failed art. Like that only he got pissed with me. Wah he immediately went like art, 1 down. Tamil confirm down- 2. Chemistry i doubt so - 3. Social studies i dont think so - 4. How many subjects you taking. The point is, its like he is looking down on me lor. Before i could tell him that i failed the other subjects, he already assumed that i did. Fucker la he! Im very pissed with him. My mum on the other hand, sms'd me yesterday evening and was like nevermind if you didnt do well for your exam. Its not end of the world. You can still try again. We all still love you. And to think i was thinking of committing suicide. Its like i suddenly feel so lonely. Dont know why also...
*VERY SAD*
11:03 PM; unforgotten.Y
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Sigh...i got back my POA, Art and Tamil results today. Fuck la i failed them all! I got 10/30 for POA paper 1 and 17/70 for POA paper 2. I got 35/100 for Art. I got 10.5/70 for Tamil paper 2 and 20/70 for Tamil paper 1. Wah i failed Art leh! How? Then Hui Meng told me that when i was not in class, Mr Teo didnt call my name out and that means that my parents have to see him and that im on the promotion list. Shits la! Im like soo dead now. Its either im going to get retained or laterally transferred back to NA.
Fuck la...i still got to do the banner for the Graduation day which is tomorrow! I need to cut a letter 2, i need to wrap 5 letters, i need to put up the black cloth and pin the letters up. Damn right!?! Then this Ms Gayathiri wants me to do the Deepa-raya fiesta banner by this Friday. Sickening la! I mean tomorrow is already Graduation day and its a Thurday! Then Friday there isnt any school cause its promotion day. Then what im supposed to come back to school to do this banner ah? On Friday i still need to come back to school cause i got the Mr Low's talk and Drama SFY training.
Damn it la! My results also like shit. I confrim gonna get sacked from council and i wont be an exco in drama anymore. F la..Why does life have to suck soo much?
Fuck la...i still got to do the banner for the Graduation day which is tomorrow! I need to cut a letter 2, i need to wrap 5 letters, i need to put up the black cloth and pin the letters up. Damn right!?! Then this Ms Gayathiri wants me to do the Deepa-raya fiesta banner by this Friday. Sickening la! I mean tomorrow is already Graduation day and its a Thurday! Then Friday there isnt any school cause its promotion day. Then what im supposed to come back to school to do this banner ah? On Friday i still need to come back to school cause i got the Mr Low's talk and Drama SFY training.
Damn it la! My results also like shit. I confrim gonna get sacked from council and i wont be an exco in drama anymore. F la..Why does life have to suck soo much?
6:35 PM; unforgotten.Y
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Wah im very worried!!! I failed soo many subjects and how??? Promotion day is this Friday. Can i make it? OMG! Scared sial. Dont know ah...i did soo badly, ill either get retained or transferred to sec3 NA or sec4 NA. Wait noo! My batch's sec4 Na got no more space already. Shit!
Then if anything really happens? OMG! Ill be sacked from council. Ms Yeo already suspended me for a whole term. I doubt that she wont sack me this time. Then for drama, i will still be in drama but i wont be an ex co anymore. Fuck. Its like everything i worked for is like gone! All my efforts are wasted. Im loosing the Ytzen spirit already. Help!
Then if anything really happens? OMG! Ill be sacked from council. Ms Yeo already suspended me for a whole term. I doubt that she wont sack me this time. Then for drama, i will still be in drama but i wont be an ex co anymore. Fuck. Its like everything i worked for is like gone! All my efforts are wasted. Im loosing the Ytzen spirit already. Help!
11:32 PM; unforgotten.Y
Today is a damn depressing day for me. Can die liao! Sigh...alot of things happened today...
Firstly, when i reached school, Hui Meng, Xiao Yun and i went to the canteen to have breakfast. Then Zhuan Yi joined us. We talked until it was time for us to assemble for the morning assembly. Mmmm then we went to class after assembly and got our Chemistry marks. I got 10/15 for paper 1 and 11.5/50 for paper 3. I failed!!! Then Mr Tan told us that we will get back out art results tomorrow. After which, we got back our History and Social Studies results. I got 20/50 for both History and Social Studies. Hui Meng and i then went for recess. Walked around and then sat with Yvonne and Xiao Yun at the canteen.
Then it was English. I failed my English! How could i?? I got 16/30 for paper 1 and 19/50 for paper 2. Fuck sial. Then it was Maths. 45/80 for paper 1 and 53/80 for paper 2. Although i passed, i made alot of careless mistakes! My tuition teacher is sure to kill me for that. The last paper we got back is Physics. 22/65 for the whole paper sial. Failed again! Demoralising huh? Out of combined humans, combined science, English and Maths, I passed ONLY Maths. My predictions for tomorrow: I WILL fail Tamil and POA and i might not pass Art. Scared la. Like that confirm retain or transter to NA already lor!
After school had to do the notice board for the graduating students so that teachers can write their messages for them. Before that after i had my lunch, i had to find for a few teachers to confirm some stuffs. Saw Iffa, told her my problem and left. Then surprisingly, NC called. Haha he said he was bored. So we talked for a while until i had to go. Finished decorating the board at around 5pm like that. Then Siti, Zhuang Yi and i went to the canteen to talk for a while. Becky joined it later. Then i had to go so that i can buy 9 gold papers for the letters for the graduation day banner tomorrow. On my way out of school, i saw Inul and she called me. Then we talked and talked and she gave me some advice. She also tried to cheer me up and encouraged me and all that. She told me that she will always be there for me and that she believes in me. Thanks alot i really appreciate it but it didnt help really. I still feel the same. I feel lousy! While talking to Inul, Uncle Jeya, one of the school staff, passed me a wrapped up like bag with something inside and a ribbon on top. He said thats for helping him. Haha so nice of him.
Hmm then i went home with Prem. He told me it wont happen but somehow, I just dont believe it. We took a taxi back cause he had only 15mins to reach home. Mrs Rahmat was going to call him to make sure that he reached home. I paid for the taxi fare. It came up to about $6.10. Then Prem took the change and we went up his block. I waited for him at the staircase while he went to change and he came out of his house after like 15-20mins? Wah damn long sial he! Hmm then we went to the Shell station and saw our long lost friend Ameerah. We talked and talked and Prem passed me $50 so i had to give him back $40. Then he asked me to go home first cause he was going to leave the station quite late. So i left and bought balloons at Cambridge and 9 gold papers at Popular. Then off i went home. I reached home around 8.45pm. Mmm took a shower, ate my dinner and went down to meet my dad to collect something at 9.20pm. And now im here. Bloggingmy thoughts out.
Wanna know what im thinking? I know its stupid. Im aware of that but then...with such results, i am for sure going to be either retained or transfered to sec3 NA or sec4 NA next year. Wah i really dont wanna go there. I wanna move on to sec4 Express next year. I wanna be in 4e3!!! So how? Ill tell you how. I ve decided, on promotion day i rather not hear whats going to become of me. I rather bang my head on the wall of my room until it bleeds, cut my wrists and then jump down from the rooftop of my HDB. Then i can finally run away and end all the 101 problems that im facing in my life that is soo demoralising! Suicidal. Thats the word! S.U.I.C.I.D.A.L! Dont miss me. I mean it. Just imagine that im missing.
Firstly, when i reached school, Hui Meng, Xiao Yun and i went to the canteen to have breakfast. Then Zhuan Yi joined us. We talked until it was time for us to assemble for the morning assembly. Mmmm then we went to class after assembly and got our Chemistry marks. I got 10/15 for paper 1 and 11.5/50 for paper 3. I failed!!! Then Mr Tan told us that we will get back out art results tomorrow. After which, we got back our History and Social Studies results. I got 20/50 for both History and Social Studies. Hui Meng and i then went for recess. Walked around and then sat with Yvonne and Xiao Yun at the canteen.
Then it was English. I failed my English! How could i?? I got 16/30 for paper 1 and 19/50 for paper 2. Fuck sial. Then it was Maths. 45/80 for paper 1 and 53/80 for paper 2. Although i passed, i made alot of careless mistakes! My tuition teacher is sure to kill me for that. The last paper we got back is Physics. 22/65 for the whole paper sial. Failed again! Demoralising huh? Out of combined humans, combined science, English and Maths, I passed ONLY Maths. My predictions for tomorrow: I WILL fail Tamil and POA and i might not pass Art. Scared la. Like that confirm retain or transter to NA already lor!
After school had to do the notice board for the graduating students so that teachers can write their messages for them. Before that after i had my lunch, i had to find for a few teachers to confirm some stuffs. Saw Iffa, told her my problem and left. Then surprisingly, NC called. Haha he said he was bored. So we talked for a while until i had to go. Finished decorating the board at around 5pm like that. Then Siti, Zhuang Yi and i went to the canteen to talk for a while. Becky joined it later. Then i had to go so that i can buy 9 gold papers for the letters for the graduation day banner tomorrow. On my way out of school, i saw Inul and she called me. Then we talked and talked and she gave me some advice. She also tried to cheer me up and encouraged me and all that. She told me that she will always be there for me and that she believes in me. Thanks alot i really appreciate it but it didnt help really. I still feel the same. I feel lousy! While talking to Inul, Uncle Jeya, one of the school staff, passed me a wrapped up like bag with something inside and a ribbon on top. He said thats for helping him. Haha so nice of him.
Hmm then i went home with Prem. He told me it wont happen but somehow, I just dont believe it. We took a taxi back cause he had only 15mins to reach home. Mrs Rahmat was going to call him to make sure that he reached home. I paid for the taxi fare. It came up to about $6.10. Then Prem took the change and we went up his block. I waited for him at the staircase while he went to change and he came out of his house after like 15-20mins? Wah damn long sial he! Hmm then we went to the Shell station and saw our long lost friend Ameerah. We talked and talked and Prem passed me $50 so i had to give him back $40. Then he asked me to go home first cause he was going to leave the station quite late. So i left and bought balloons at Cambridge and 9 gold papers at Popular. Then off i went home. I reached home around 8.45pm. Mmm took a shower, ate my dinner and went down to meet my dad to collect something at 9.20pm. And now im here. Bloggingmy thoughts out.
Wanna know what im thinking? I know its stupid. Im aware of that but then...with such results, i am for sure going to be either retained or transfered to sec3 NA or sec4 NA next year. Wah i really dont wanna go there. I wanna move on to sec4 Express next year. I wanna be in 4e3!!! So how? Ill tell you how. I ve decided, on promotion day i rather not hear whats going to become of me. I rather bang my head on the wall of my room until it bleeds, cut my wrists and then jump down from the rooftop of my HDB. Then i can finally run away and end all the 101 problems that im facing in my life that is soo demoralising! Suicidal. Thats the word! S.U.I.C.I.D.A.L! Dont miss me. I mean it. Just imagine that im missing.
9:40 PM; unforgotten.Y
Monday, October 16, 2006
Today, i ate too much n felt sick. Haha i ate my breakfast around 11am and then my sis dragged me to Northpoint to eat lunch at the foodcourt at 1pm. Its not eat too much la. Its i ate too much during a short period of time. Haha then my sis and i walked around Northpoint to digest our stomachs. Mmm we then headed to the interchange and my sis started to ''fake'' cry cause she didnt want to take the 855 bus cause it was really old and looked like it could break down at any moment. Haha..i missed a bus and accompanied her. Walked around the interchange and bought a teenage magazine. Then my bus came. Haha no choice but to leave her.
When i was already in the bus with Suhaidah, Jannah and Hazeila, i looked for my sis and realised that eventually she did take that bus. We were both going to school. She had class and i had drama. Damn la today actually is out school's marking day. But we drama members still had SYF training session.
Hmm during drama, we played this game and Mizrahi our president saboed me!!! He made me do a pole dance in front of everyone sial. Haha. Then i got my audition piece and acted it out. But the real audition for SFY is in two weeks time. So haha today was just for practice. Came home with the drama members. Took another bus from the interchange, walked through the market and blocks alone and i eventually reached my home sweet home.
Yeah MY home. The home i enjoy living in. The home where i can find comfort. The home where my sweet internet it....Sigh..HOME! Haha im bored la.
Now i feeling all stressed up about a few things.
1. The results im gonna get back tomorrow.
2. Having to do the banner for Graduation day by Wednesday.
3. Must decorate the board for Graduating students by tomorrow.
4. Must do the Deeparaya banner by next week.
5. Must do the other decorations for the deeparaya concert by next week.
6. Memorising the lines for the audition by this Friday.
Im playing Annie. She is like this bossy person who loves to be the best of them all with followers. She is very attention seeking. Hwee Ping is her follower. [ I am way too nice to be mean and nasty and bossy. So how? I have to have someone in mind to watch so that i can act like her. Actually ive already got someone la but haha its private and confidential. Sigh but how to concentrate with my results tomorrow?
I know that im gonna die when it comes to Science and my history section B is hopeless. My art..i doubt Mr Tan will think its good enough. English is a 50-50. Tamil is a goner as usual. Social studies is a can pass. Maths ive got confidence. POA - i did my best and i managed to balance a balance sheet but i dont know. Ahhh Jesus help me. I mean it!
When i was already in the bus with Suhaidah, Jannah and Hazeila, i looked for my sis and realised that eventually she did take that bus. We were both going to school. She had class and i had drama. Damn la today actually is out school's marking day. But we drama members still had SYF training session.
Hmm during drama, we played this game and Mizrahi our president saboed me!!! He made me do a pole dance in front of everyone sial. Haha. Then i got my audition piece and acted it out. But the real audition for SFY is in two weeks time. So haha today was just for practice. Came home with the drama members. Took another bus from the interchange, walked through the market and blocks alone and i eventually reached my home sweet home.
Yeah MY home. The home i enjoy living in. The home where i can find comfort. The home where my sweet internet it....Sigh..HOME! Haha im bored la.
Now i feeling all stressed up about a few things.
1. The results im gonna get back tomorrow.
2. Having to do the banner for Graduation day by Wednesday.
3. Must decorate the board for Graduating students by tomorrow.
4. Must do the Deeparaya banner by next week.
5. Must do the other decorations for the deeparaya concert by next week.
6. Memorising the lines for the audition by this Friday.
Im playing Annie. She is like this bossy person who loves to be the best of them all with followers. She is very attention seeking. Hwee Ping is her follower. [ I am way too nice to be mean and nasty and bossy. So how? I have to have someone in mind to watch so that i can act like her. Actually ive already got someone la but haha its private and confidential. Sigh but how to concentrate with my results tomorrow?
I know that im gonna die when it comes to Science and my history section B is hopeless. My art..i doubt Mr Tan will think its good enough. English is a 50-50. Tamil is a goner as usual. Social studies is a can pass. Maths ive got confidence. POA - i did my best and i managed to balance a balance sheet but i dont know. Ahhh Jesus help me. I mean it!
9:30 PM; unforgotten.Y
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Was freaking bored so i decided to go kapo into other people's blogs and i found this. Kinda entertaining...
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 ppl at their tagboard to ask them to do this!
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
How are you feeling today?
Dance dance by Fall out boy. - Haha righhttt!
Will you get far in life?
Hey ya by Outkast. - Haha well that explains it all.
How do your friends see you?
Milkshake by Missy Elliot. - Milkshake??? You guys think im tasty? OMG!
Will you get married?
Naama Kathula from the movie Pattiyal. - Its a tamil song which means our love. Does that mean i will?
What is your best friend's theme song?
Public affair by Jessica Simpson. - Sooo not my best friend!
What is the story of your life?
Gold digger by Kayne west feat Jamie Fox. - NOOOO! I soo do not dig for gold although there was this once in Australia...donkey years ago.
What was high school like?
Me and you by Cassie. - Well i am still in high school and its soo not true!
How far ahead can you get in life?
Aint no other man by Christina Aguilera. - Umm okiee
What is the best thing about your friends?
Me against the music by Britney Spears. - I dont get it. Whats the connection???
What is in store for this weekend?
Everytime we touch by Cascada. - What the hell? Anyways today is already Sunday!
What song describes you?
My goodies by Ciara - Nothing to say...
To describe your grandparents?
I wanna hold your hand by the Beetles. - Its the opposite for both parties actually.
How is your life going?
How could this happen to me by Nick Lachey. - Quite true actually.
What song will they play at your funeral?
Remember the name by Fort Minor. - Wah im touched already! You people really gonna remember me?
How does the world see you?
Unfaithful by Rihana. - What the hell?? I am faithful okay!!
Will you have a happy life?
My band by D12 - Soo whats da connection yall?
What do your friends really think of you?
Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. - Wahh!
Do people secretly lust after you?
I just wanna live by Good Charlotte. - Hahaha! Yes i do. I really do!
How can I make myself happy?
Dont cha by the Pussycatdolls. - Well maybe maybe
What should you do with your life?
Culo byPitbull. - Partying? Thats an option. I do like to party anyways.
Will you ever have children?
Temperature by Sean Paul. - Whats that supposed to mean really?
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 ppl at their tagboard to ask them to do this!
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
How are you feeling today?
Dance dance by Fall out boy. - Haha righhttt!
Will you get far in life?
Hey ya by Outkast. - Haha well that explains it all.
How do your friends see you?
Milkshake by Missy Elliot. - Milkshake??? You guys think im tasty? OMG!
Will you get married?
Naama Kathula from the movie Pattiyal. - Its a tamil song which means our love. Does that mean i will?
What is your best friend's theme song?
Public affair by Jessica Simpson. - Sooo not my best friend!
What is the story of your life?
Gold digger by Kayne west feat Jamie Fox. - NOOOO! I soo do not dig for gold although there was this once in Australia...donkey years ago.
What was high school like?
Me and you by Cassie. - Well i am still in high school and its soo not true!
How far ahead can you get in life?
Aint no other man by Christina Aguilera. - Umm okiee
What is the best thing about your friends?
Me against the music by Britney Spears. - I dont get it. Whats the connection???
What is in store for this weekend?
Everytime we touch by Cascada. - What the hell? Anyways today is already Sunday!
What song describes you?
My goodies by Ciara - Nothing to say...
To describe your grandparents?
I wanna hold your hand by the Beetles. - Its the opposite for both parties actually.
How is your life going?
How could this happen to me by Nick Lachey. - Quite true actually.
What song will they play at your funeral?
Remember the name by Fort Minor. - Wah im touched already! You people really gonna remember me?
How does the world see you?
Unfaithful by Rihana. - What the hell?? I am faithful okay!!
Will you have a happy life?
My band by D12 - Soo whats da connection yall?
What do your friends really think of you?
Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. - Wahh!
Do people secretly lust after you?
I just wanna live by Good Charlotte. - Hahaha! Yes i do. I really do!
How can I make myself happy?
Dont cha by the Pussycatdolls. - Well maybe maybe
What should you do with your life?
Culo byPitbull. - Partying? Thats an option. I do like to party anyways.
Will you ever have children?
Temperature by Sean Paul. - Whats that supposed to mean really?
5:39 PM; unforgotten.Y
Haha was supposed to meet Cassandra and Shannon for mass at 10am today in church. I woke up at 9.35am!!! Haha i rushed la and i made it. Turned out, i was the earliest. Haha. Luckily i live only like 3-4 mins away from church. Hmm we sat on the 3rd level. Mathilda joined us too. Was fun la. Then after mass, we went to eat. I bought fried rice. Cass bought fried bee hoon. Mathilda got a drink and Shannon went with Melvin. Wah Cass ah...i couldnt finish my fried rice. So Cass ate up her bee hoon n ate the remaining of my fried rice. Haha wah big appetite! Then we went for Cathegism class. We were late. Haha but the teachers never scold us one la.
Errm after class, i sent Athena and Faustina off to the bus stop and met Cass back in church since she wanted to talk to our other friends. Cass and i met her mum and sis at the coffee shop outside church and they had lunch. My mum already cooked so haha i just took a drink. Then Jin Rong called me. Wah he ah. Haha called me dog in tamil! Haha he asked if i wanted to follow him and Joe go bowling but haha cannot la. He called me at 1.10pm and wanted to meet in Northpoint at 1.30pm. Siao! Haha then ya la... I sent Cass off at the other bus stop which was nearer to my house. And came home.
Haha my sis meowed at me. Crazy la she. Hmm ate lunch, slack on the couch while watching tv for 1 hour and my ass couldnt take it so i brought it here to blog. Haha. I dont really watch tv la. Not used to it anymore. Kinda waste of time if you ask me. Haiya!!! Im really rotting at home leh. I wanna go enroll myself in the guitar course la. If i ask a friend to teach ah...must make sure both of us are free. Very troublesome la. Haha nevermind. Now that ive got my ATM card, can draw out money if my parents dont want to give. But ofcourse i wont anyhow use it la. Hmmm i wanna go to Vivo city. Not to shop but to walk walk la.
Next Saturday is Deepavali. Damnation! Jacinta is working. If so, then i wont be going visiting this year. Must find for someone to go hang around with until late afternoon and off i'll go to my dads house. Boring la over there. I'm the eldest ''child/teenager'' over there now that my sister is 21 years old. And the children(my step cuzon's) there are so boring. I dont even talk to them. Then the adults ah.. haiya. Gonna waste my time there. I wanna go visiting leh! Someone invite me!!!
Sial la! I dont know how to spell cuzon liao....hehehe...Tomorrow, ill be receiving my results. Time to die!
Errm after class, i sent Athena and Faustina off to the bus stop and met Cass back in church since she wanted to talk to our other friends. Cass and i met her mum and sis at the coffee shop outside church and they had lunch. My mum already cooked so haha i just took a drink. Then Jin Rong called me. Wah he ah. Haha called me dog in tamil! Haha he asked if i wanted to follow him and Joe go bowling but haha cannot la. He called me at 1.10pm and wanted to meet in Northpoint at 1.30pm. Siao! Haha then ya la... I sent Cass off at the other bus stop which was nearer to my house. And came home.
Haha my sis meowed at me. Crazy la she. Hmm ate lunch, slack on the couch while watching tv for 1 hour and my ass couldnt take it so i brought it here to blog. Haha. I dont really watch tv la. Not used to it anymore. Kinda waste of time if you ask me. Haiya!!! Im really rotting at home leh. I wanna go enroll myself in the guitar course la. If i ask a friend to teach ah...must make sure both of us are free. Very troublesome la. Haha nevermind. Now that ive got my ATM card, can draw out money if my parents dont want to give. But ofcourse i wont anyhow use it la. Hmmm i wanna go to Vivo city. Not to shop but to walk walk la.
Next Saturday is Deepavali. Damnation! Jacinta is working. If so, then i wont be going visiting this year. Must find for someone to go hang around with until late afternoon and off i'll go to my dads house. Boring la over there. I'm the eldest ''child/teenager'' over there now that my sister is 21 years old. And the children(my step cuzon's) there are so boring. I dont even talk to them. Then the adults ah.. haiya. Gonna waste my time there. I wanna go visiting leh! Someone invite me!!!
Sial la! I dont know how to spell cuzon liao....hehehe...Tomorrow, ill be receiving my results. Time to die!
3:31 PM; unforgotten.Y
Saturday, October 14, 2006
How do you feel happiness;
When you are surrounded by misery and pain.
When you try to laugh but sigh instead.
When the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away.
When you finally find hope,
But only to loose it like you never found it in the first place.
Hope springs eternal, they say.
Its self-declusion, I say!
How do you feel sorrow;
When you are raging with fury and hatred within.
When angry tears blind you from all that is good.
When every step forward hurles you ten feet backwards.
When all you want is to wash away the bitterness welling up within.
When all you want is to break out of this unbreakable mould;
To be reborn, to start anew.
Euphoria.Love.Trust.Dissappointement.Empathy.
These words mean nothing to me no more.
They are what they are.
Words. Only words.
How do you feel when you cant feel anymore.
When you are surrounded by misery and pain.
When you try to laugh but sigh instead.
When the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away.
When you finally find hope,
But only to loose it like you never found it in the first place.
Hope springs eternal, they say.
Its self-declusion, I say!
How do you feel sorrow;
When you are raging with fury and hatred within.
When angry tears blind you from all that is good.
When every step forward hurles you ten feet backwards.
When all you want is to wash away the bitterness welling up within.
When all you want is to break out of this unbreakable mould;
To be reborn, to start anew.
Euphoria.Love.Trust.Dissappointement.Empathy.
These words mean nothing to me no more.
They are what they are.
Words. Only words.
How do you feel when you cant feel anymore.
12:27 PM; unforgotten.Y
Exams are like over and ive got nothing to do at home...
Im bored to D-E-A-T-H!!!
I wanna go watch a movie but who can i go with?
In fact movie also boring la.
Theres nothing to watch now..
Sigh...
He is uncontactable for a few more days, she is working, shes too busy, he has to study, they are out of the question..HELPP!
Haiya...
Watching tv also boring. In fact i dont like to watch tv. And im lazy to go to the library and find a nice book to read. Plus im worried about the results.
I wanna go dream about i dont know what la. When i get it then ill blog about it. Also aiya i can go learn to play the guitar since ive got one at home.
Im bored to D-E-A-T-H!!!
I wanna go watch a movie but who can i go with?
In fact movie also boring la.
Theres nothing to watch now..
Sigh...
He is uncontactable for a few more days, she is working, shes too busy, he has to study, they are out of the question..HELPP!
Haiya...
Watching tv also boring. In fact i dont like to watch tv. And im lazy to go to the library and find a nice book to read. Plus im worried about the results.
I wanna go dream about i dont know what la. When i get it then ill blog about it. Also aiya i can go learn to play the guitar since ive got one at home.
12:17 PM; unforgotten.Y
Friday, October 13, 2006
Today is Friday-The-13!!! Anything happened to ya yet? LOL!
So i went to school today. Bought Ya Kun Kaya in the morning and ate it in the bus. Jannah and Hazeila were with me. Mmm the course was supposed to be for only an hour but Mr Low dragged it to 3 full hours. Today it was about the adeline paradox. I think its spelt like that. It was quite fun though but i had to miss drama cause both the course and drama were from 10am-1pm. After the course, i met my dad at Novena Square. Then we went to some bank and made my ATM card. Yay! Although ive got an ATM card now, i aint gonna spend it.
Then we went to Tampanies Mall, had lunch there, paid some bills and went to some Malay road. Cant remember the name but i bought dinner from Zam Zam and my dad bought food for the people working under him. Then we went to Modus Link to pass them the food and my dad sent me home. Reached home around 6pm. Took a shower and ate from 6.20 -7pm!!! Haha.. What to do i eat slow at times.
Mmmm talked to my sister for a while about literature and having boyfriends and shes claims that shes too lazy to have one and that after her A levels she will see how but then now im confused. I thought shes got a boyfriend??? Hmm whatever la.
Wahhh just heard some bad news. Its as though you are gonna haunt me for the rest of your life!!! I really hope that once ive graduated, i can stay away from you forever. Like there are people out there ive never bumped into and i hope its like that between us too. In fact, i hope its like that between us ALL! Once ive graduated, i dont wanna see your faces anymore. I wanna move on and put the past behind me. I wanna start over and finally get to enjoy my life without you dumb asses!
I kinda like the speech made by Dr Martin LUther King....the aggressiveness in his voice was damn good! My favourite part :
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that even we face the difficulties of today ad tomorrow. I still have a dream. It is a fream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Gerogia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
<<>>
You can watch the speech at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk. And you might find it boring.If you do, to hell with you cause i like it.
So i went to school today. Bought Ya Kun Kaya in the morning and ate it in the bus. Jannah and Hazeila were with me. Mmm the course was supposed to be for only an hour but Mr Low dragged it to 3 full hours. Today it was about the adeline paradox. I think its spelt like that. It was quite fun though but i had to miss drama cause both the course and drama were from 10am-1pm. After the course, i met my dad at Novena Square. Then we went to some bank and made my ATM card. Yay! Although ive got an ATM card now, i aint gonna spend it.
Then we went to Tampanies Mall, had lunch there, paid some bills and went to some Malay road. Cant remember the name but i bought dinner from Zam Zam and my dad bought food for the people working under him. Then we went to Modus Link to pass them the food and my dad sent me home. Reached home around 6pm. Took a shower and ate from 6.20 -7pm!!! Haha.. What to do i eat slow at times.
Mmmm talked to my sister for a while about literature and having boyfriends and shes claims that shes too lazy to have one and that after her A levels she will see how but then now im confused. I thought shes got a boyfriend??? Hmm whatever la.
Wahhh just heard some bad news. Its as though you are gonna haunt me for the rest of your life!!! I really hope that once ive graduated, i can stay away from you forever. Like there are people out there ive never bumped into and i hope its like that between us too. In fact, i hope its like that between us ALL! Once ive graduated, i dont wanna see your faces anymore. I wanna move on and put the past behind me. I wanna start over and finally get to enjoy my life without you dumb asses!
I kinda like the speech made by Dr Martin LUther King....the aggressiveness in his voice was damn good! My favourite part :
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that even we face the difficulties of today ad tomorrow. I still have a dream. It is a fream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Gerogia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
<<
You can watch the speech at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk. And you might find it boring.If you do, to hell with you cause i like it.
8:33 PM; unforgotten.Y
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Yes!!!
No more exams...everything has ended today! But what the hell still got the return of the results.. Haiya! My Poa today ah...can die la. Scared sial..wait later cannot get promoted to sec4 Express next year. *SCARED*
After my exam today, i met my sister for lunch in Northpoint. We went to central to have lunch. I ordered wanton noodle and leamon tea. My sis took fish soup and green tea. I hate fish. Haha. Mmm then we walked around. Went to the pet shop, i played with the animals and went to Novena square at around 3.30pm to meet my dad. I saw sara there. Wah everytime i see him ah, he will have a new hairstlye. Haha...
Then we went to Tekka expo where i kept messaging my new online friend. Haha we had a snack la. I just took iced milo cause i was already quite full. Then we picked Sherman and Panja up. Followed by Vicky. (By the way, Sherman is my step brother, Panja the maid and Vicky my step mother.) Then we went to the Geylang expo. I saw Zulaiha there. Its quite nice la. To be able to see my seniors after some time. After a while Sherman got tired and cranky. He is only 3 years old. Then my dad sent him, Vicky and Panja back to their house.
My dad, sis and i then went to have dinner at the same place my sis and i had lunch. Haha. Over here, i saw Ganesh, Kejendrans cusin who used to be my old neighbour and Clarence who has been my friend since kindergarten and till now we go to the same church. Haha he was with his mum so all he could do was give me that cheeky smile. Haha.
This time i ordered chicken cutlet. Wah the chicken damn big sial. Thought i couldnt finish it but i did anyways. Hungry whaaaat! Hmm then my dad sent me home i and reached home at 9.40pm. Lala tired la. Was out the whole day in my uniform somemore.
Ahhh Tomorrow is supposed to be a holiday for us all as it is the marking day for the teachers but i need to go back to school to check the letters for the graduation day banner that im supposed to get done by the 18 of Oct, i got a leadership talk by Mr Paul Low and ive got a drama training session for SYF. The drama training session is from 10am - 1pm. Hmm then im meeting my dad to make my nets.
Lala..nothing else happened la. Tired tired tired! Kk i wanna go sleep...Nights!
(By the way, CONGRATULATIONS to Jacinta for getting a job! Will visit ya if possible. :D)
No more exams...everything has ended today! But what the hell still got the return of the results.. Haiya! My Poa today ah...can die la. Scared sial..wait later cannot get promoted to sec4 Express next year. *SCARED*
After my exam today, i met my sister for lunch in Northpoint. We went to central to have lunch. I ordered wanton noodle and leamon tea. My sis took fish soup and green tea. I hate fish. Haha. Mmm then we walked around. Went to the pet shop, i played with the animals and went to Novena square at around 3.30pm to meet my dad. I saw sara there. Wah everytime i see him ah, he will have a new hairstlye. Haha...
Then we went to Tekka expo where i kept messaging my new online friend. Haha we had a snack la. I just took iced milo cause i was already quite full. Then we picked Sherman and Panja up. Followed by Vicky. (By the way, Sherman is my step brother, Panja the maid and Vicky my step mother.) Then we went to the Geylang expo. I saw Zulaiha there. Its quite nice la. To be able to see my seniors after some time. After a while Sherman got tired and cranky. He is only 3 years old. Then my dad sent him, Vicky and Panja back to their house.
My dad, sis and i then went to have dinner at the same place my sis and i had lunch. Haha. Over here, i saw Ganesh, Kejendrans cusin who used to be my old neighbour and Clarence who has been my friend since kindergarten and till now we go to the same church. Haha he was with his mum so all he could do was give me that cheeky smile. Haha.
This time i ordered chicken cutlet. Wah the chicken damn big sial. Thought i couldnt finish it but i did anyways. Hungry whaaaat! Hmm then my dad sent me home i and reached home at 9.40pm. Lala tired la. Was out the whole day in my uniform somemore.
Ahhh Tomorrow is supposed to be a holiday for us all as it is the marking day for the teachers but i need to go back to school to check the letters for the graduation day banner that im supposed to get done by the 18 of Oct, i got a leadership talk by Mr Paul Low and ive got a drama training session for SYF. The drama training session is from 10am - 1pm. Hmm then im meeting my dad to make my nets.
Lala..nothing else happened la. Tired tired tired! Kk i wanna go sleep...Nights!
(By the way, CONGRATULATIONS to Jacinta for getting a job! Will visit ya if possible. :D)
11:35 PM; unforgotten.Y
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Hmmm Physics paper today..it wasnt a killer. Just that i didnt study hard enough. Today was flexi. School started at only 8.30am. But as usual i still went to school early at 6.40am like that la. Then Hui Meng and i went to the canteen to study while having breakfast. Later on Rahimi joined us. Followed by Melvin and Roy came with his friend for a while. Went back to class at 8.30am. Did my exam at 9am and went home with Thiru.
Reached NorthPoint and bought yummy kaya toast. When i reached home, i came online and while chatting, someone asked me for stead. Sial la horny sial he! Then chatted with Slizer and ended it all around 4pm. Kejendran called. He was with Manoj. Haha Kejendran asked me a stupid question. Around 4.25pm like that he called again and i talked some sense into him.
Hopefully he got it la. And i slept at around 4.40pm till 7.30pm!!! Wah i didnt set up alarm clock and i didnt intend to sleep sial. Alamak! Now must do last min revision for POA. Ahhhh! Ive gotta pass this one.
I know ill fail Tamil, Science and my combined humans i dont know la. It depends on my history results. My English is like a 50- 50% pass or fail. Im soo gonna die when it comes to promotion day. Oh my god!
Im gonna stay up studying POA until im confident that i can pass sial. I cant afford to fail this one. If i pass this then i can confirm pass 3 subjects already: POA, Maths and Art. Hoping like crazy i can pass English and combined humans. If i do i can get promoted already. But if i fail, i die!
Kk tomorrow is my last paper. Gonna give it my best....i can do it!
Reached NorthPoint and bought yummy kaya toast. When i reached home, i came online and while chatting, someone asked me for stead. Sial la horny sial he! Then chatted with Slizer and ended it all around 4pm. Kejendran called. He was with Manoj. Haha Kejendran asked me a stupid question. Around 4.25pm like that he called again and i talked some sense into him.
Hopefully he got it la. And i slept at around 4.40pm till 7.30pm!!! Wah i didnt set up alarm clock and i didnt intend to sleep sial. Alamak! Now must do last min revision for POA. Ahhhh! Ive gotta pass this one.
I know ill fail Tamil, Science and my combined humans i dont know la. It depends on my history results. My English is like a 50- 50% pass or fail. Im soo gonna die when it comes to promotion day. Oh my god!
Im gonna stay up studying POA until im confident that i can pass sial. I cant afford to fail this one. If i pass this then i can confirm pass 3 subjects already: POA, Maths and Art. Hoping like crazy i can pass English and combined humans. If i do i can get promoted already. But if i fail, i die!
Kk tomorrow is my last paper. Gonna give it my best....i can do it!
8:46 PM; unforgotten.Y
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I feel sooooo lonely!!!!
Its as though im living for nothing - theres no meaning to life!
Everything around me is soo dead....
Everything nowadays is getting soo boring...
Im feeling soo lonely, and sad and depressed and bored and i dont know la...I know i keep blogging about the same sad things but its true what?!? Thats how my life is and ive got soo many unsolved things. Obviously i will keep thinking and thinking and thinking about it all and if i cant solve whatever it is, its worse. Ill become even more depressed...
Shit la! I lost my council tie..How could i have been so careless and stupid? Where did i leave it. I realised that only after 4 freaking days!! Im frustrated. Even the council room got no more extra ties. But where the hell could my tie have gone? I think i left it somewhere in school but im not sure leh.
And i dont wanna move!!! My dad said if the problem gets worse i have to sell my house and buy one thats already been made. All we have to do is to renovate the kitchen and the toilets. What the fuck!!! He also said that it will be much smaller as it is cheaper and get a 3 room flat. Meaning 1 hall and 2 rooms? So what i have to share a room with my sister??? Nooo! I mean the age gap. How can we share a room when we cant even get along with each other? I like my room a little messy with things everywhere in a neat way such that i can grab my things and leave. My study table is always in a mess. Piles of books and papers and files and everything will be there. But i dont care.. as long as i can find my things can already. But my sister is the total opposite!
And she is gonna leave the house in like what? 5? 6 years? Shes already 21 this year and shes gonna get married soon and all. So im gonna be stuck with my mum in the same house till i get married. Wah thats like a nightmare i tell you! Toot sial. Its all my mums fault. It always is. Why cant she be more cooperative?
Living with my dad is like impossible cause his house is already too squeezy. Theres him, vicky, sherman, panja and murphy. Plus vickys side will go there and stay there for a while once in a while too. Bloody hell sial!
And my sister has a chinese boyfriend. Im happy for her la. But then shes already talking about marriage. Its too fast! Im not ready to leave her! I know very well that im gonna be depressed when she gets married. Cause i wont have a sister around the house anymore...Haiz..
Dont you ever feel that sometimes life is moving at a rapidly fast rate and it doesnt wait for you? If you are stuck somewhere behind, you will just have no other choice but to pick yourself up, adapt to the changes, stay strong and move on too no matter how hard it is.
Its as though im living for nothing - theres no meaning to life!
Everything around me is soo dead....
Everything nowadays is getting soo boring...
Im feeling soo lonely, and sad and depressed and bored and i dont know la...I know i keep blogging about the same sad things but its true what?!? Thats how my life is and ive got soo many unsolved things. Obviously i will keep thinking and thinking and thinking about it all and if i cant solve whatever it is, its worse. Ill become even more depressed...
Shit la! I lost my council tie..How could i have been so careless and stupid? Where did i leave it. I realised that only after 4 freaking days!! Im frustrated. Even the council room got no more extra ties. But where the hell could my tie have gone? I think i left it somewhere in school but im not sure leh.
And i dont wanna move!!! My dad said if the problem gets worse i have to sell my house and buy one thats already been made. All we have to do is to renovate the kitchen and the toilets. What the fuck!!! He also said that it will be much smaller as it is cheaper and get a 3 room flat. Meaning 1 hall and 2 rooms? So what i have to share a room with my sister??? Nooo! I mean the age gap. How can we share a room when we cant even get along with each other? I like my room a little messy with things everywhere in a neat way such that i can grab my things and leave. My study table is always in a mess. Piles of books and papers and files and everything will be there. But i dont care.. as long as i can find my things can already. But my sister is the total opposite!
And she is gonna leave the house in like what? 5? 6 years? Shes already 21 this year and shes gonna get married soon and all. So im gonna be stuck with my mum in the same house till i get married. Wah thats like a nightmare i tell you! Toot sial. Its all my mums fault. It always is. Why cant she be more cooperative?
Living with my dad is like impossible cause his house is already too squeezy. Theres him, vicky, sherman, panja and murphy. Plus vickys side will go there and stay there for a while once in a while too. Bloody hell sial!
And my sister has a chinese boyfriend. Im happy for her la. But then shes already talking about marriage. Its too fast! Im not ready to leave her! I know very well that im gonna be depressed when she gets married. Cause i wont have a sister around the house anymore...Haiz..
Dont you ever feel that sometimes life is moving at a rapidly fast rate and it doesnt wait for you? If you are stuck somewhere behind, you will just have no other choice but to pick yourself up, adapt to the changes, stay strong and move on too no matter how hard it is.
10:13 PM; unforgotten.Y
Woah done with my maths paper 2. Now still left with Physics and POA. Aiya i came home and slept like a pig! Now i need to study for physics.
Oh on my way home, i was walking through the interchange. I wanted to buy kaya toast. Then i saw Jacinta, Raya and their friend Linda. And stopped to talk to them. AND i forgot all about my kaya toast. Damn la! Haha nevermind. Tomorrow. Mmm Jacinta and i walked back from the interchange since we live like a few minutes from each others blocks. Lala we talked and talked and talked. That reminds me..im supposed to call her. Haha..
Well well better go study la..see ya!
Oh on my way home, i was walking through the interchange. I wanted to buy kaya toast. Then i saw Jacinta, Raya and their friend Linda. And stopped to talk to them. AND i forgot all about my kaya toast. Damn la! Haha nevermind. Tomorrow. Mmm Jacinta and i walked back from the interchange since we live like a few minutes from each others blocks. Lala we talked and talked and talked. That reminds me..im supposed to call her. Haha..
Well well better go study la..see ya!
5:26 PM; unforgotten.Y
Monday, October 09, 2006
Have you ever felt that friends you thought were your friends are suddenly not really your friends? I really canot trust anyone. After i lost three wonderful friends whom i thought were my friends last year. Not only did i lose them but i got my heart broken and lost myself in that process too. I lost him too. I suffered a GREAT DEPRESSION of my own and it has affected me big time! I keep thinking that they are my friends but i keep losing them all in the end. Is it because i dont know how to keep my friends? I dont think so...im someone who can keep secrets and im like always there for my friends and basically ive got all the necessary friend qualities. This IS a fact : I always put other especially my friends in front of me.
But why do i keep losing them? I lost them and her and him and wah alot seh. Its depressing really. I used to be a cheerful freak but now look at me. I may still go around smiling like a freak n all but inside im really the TOTAL opposite. No one knows that really. The reason why i smile alot and all that is because i rather make people happy and see them happy than to see them in my state.
Sigh..i just wish i can stop being depressed! I want things to go back to normal. Everything is turning upside down! Ever since i came to secondary three, its all just different. I feel like i cant trust anyone and dont have true friends. I mean i do have friends but not in the sense or rather its not like what i had before. And im not liking it one bit.
When i was a sec1 in 2004, it was like perfect! My studies were great, i had lotsa friends, my parents were like never upset with me, my teachers loved me, i loved my friends and they loved me. Alot of people told me many times before that once i get to sec 3, it is when things will change and it is when i will figure out my true self.
Right now, im depressed, cheerful no more, slacker, sad, strict, useless, boring, lame no more, funny no more kinda person. Got something else la but too risky to say it out here. And is that really my trueself? Cause if it is then BULLSHIT! I die die dont wanna be like that. Ive always hated that kinda attitude and i dont wanna be like that. EVER!
I used to be soo independent but now im soo dependent. Whats wrong with me? Why have i changed soo much? I want things to be the way they used to be. And i miss him lots.
Yes yes i still have feelings for him but hey i love him alot as a friend too. He was sort of like the only one who could ever understand me. He knew everything that i was going through. He was always there for me. He was always able to sense me. He always cared and never liked it when i keep things from him. And the fact that he shared problems with me really touched my heart (as a friend la). I feel like ive known him for years and he told me he feels that way too. But now i dont know if it is because of what he has been into recently but i dont feel that connection anymore. Its like he used to always start a conversation with me and used to talk alot. Ofcourse ill do my part too but now, he doesnt talk much to me anymore. Even when i start the conversation. Its as though he suddenly dont care anymore. Am i being drama or over reacting here? I hope not. I really want things to be back to normal. I remember telling him once that he will surely regret having me as a friend. And he said he wouldnt. I hope he really meant that. He also told me once that i mean alot to him as a friend and he dont wanna lose me. I bloody hell feel the same too and i would never want to lose him too. I even thanked god for the first time for letting me find such a friend. But now...im really sad that its all different. I even prayed for his exams during my camp once and that is how much i care for him. Why is it different now? Should i just talk to him about it? I really want to but i dont know how....Things are just not the same without him. And i definitely dont want him to think that im messing with his life. Am i being selfish here in any way?
But why do i keep losing them? I lost them and her and him and wah alot seh. Its depressing really. I used to be a cheerful freak but now look at me. I may still go around smiling like a freak n all but inside im really the TOTAL opposite. No one knows that really. The reason why i smile alot and all that is because i rather make people happy and see them happy than to see them in my state.
Sigh..i just wish i can stop being depressed! I want things to go back to normal. Everything is turning upside down! Ever since i came to secondary three, its all just different. I feel like i cant trust anyone and dont have true friends. I mean i do have friends but not in the sense or rather its not like what i had before. And im not liking it one bit.
When i was a sec1 in 2004, it was like perfect! My studies were great, i had lotsa friends, my parents were like never upset with me, my teachers loved me, i loved my friends and they loved me. Alot of people told me many times before that once i get to sec 3, it is when things will change and it is when i will figure out my true self.
Right now, im depressed, cheerful no more, slacker, sad, strict, useless, boring, lame no more, funny no more kinda person. Got something else la but too risky to say it out here. And is that really my trueself? Cause if it is then BULLSHIT! I die die dont wanna be like that. Ive always hated that kinda attitude and i dont wanna be like that. EVER!
I used to be soo independent but now im soo dependent. Whats wrong with me? Why have i changed soo much? I want things to be the way they used to be. And i miss him lots.
Yes yes i still have feelings for him but hey i love him alot as a friend too. He was sort of like the only one who could ever understand me. He knew everything that i was going through. He was always there for me. He was always able to sense me. He always cared and never liked it when i keep things from him. And the fact that he shared problems with me really touched my heart (as a friend la). I feel like ive known him for years and he told me he feels that way too. But now i dont know if it is because of what he has been into recently but i dont feel that connection anymore. Its like he used to always start a conversation with me and used to talk alot. Ofcourse ill do my part too but now, he doesnt talk much to me anymore. Even when i start the conversation. Its as though he suddenly dont care anymore. Am i being drama or over reacting here? I hope not. I really want things to be back to normal. I remember telling him once that he will surely regret having me as a friend. And he said he wouldnt. I hope he really meant that. He also told me once that i mean alot to him as a friend and he dont wanna lose me. I bloody hell feel the same too and i would never want to lose him too. I even thanked god for the first time for letting me find such a friend. But now...im really sad that its all different. I even prayed for his exams during my camp once and that is how much i care for him. Why is it different now? Should i just talk to him about it? I really want to but i dont know how....Things are just not the same without him. And i definitely dont want him to think that im messing with his life. Am i being selfish here in any way?
11:47 PM; unforgotten.Y
Went out with my sister to have lunch around 5.50pm. We went to Yishun Central there. I ordered chicken chop and leamon tea. I love leamon tea! And my sis took popiah and green tea. Mmmm she had to wait for 40 mins before we could leave cause that was how long i took to eat. Haha. Then she went for threading and i waited for her. Then we went to the pet shop. In the pet shop right..the puppies damn cute sial! Haha i want!!! Must wait till i get married then i can get one of my own. I WONT marry someone who doesnt like dogs cause i die die want a dog! Mmmm went to popular and i bought foolscap and 8 different coloured pens. Then we went to Aries so that i could buy a new chain and clips. After that we went to Watsons and my sis bought her stuff plus new shampoo - Pantene soft and silky. I think. Haha. Just came home at 9.10pm. Time to do last minute revision for my maths paper 2 tomorrow.
Tomorrow, after my exam when i reach Yishun, im gonna buy the belt ive been wanting to buy. Wheee!
Tomorrow, after my exam when i reach Yishun, im gonna buy the belt ive been wanting to buy. Wheee!
9:14 PM; unforgotten.Y
Today is World Mental Health Day..the minister is encouraging us to be more understanding towards people like them. :D
Hmm i woke up at 10am today. Washed up, and immediately sat down on the rocking chair and ate my breakfast while watching cartoons. Haha...i watched 'Strawberry Shortcake', 'Theadventures of gummy the bears' and 'Scooby dooby doo!' Haha i bullied my sister. Made her sit beside me and watch the cartoons too. Shes 21 years old by the way.
Just ate my lunch - chicken rice. Haha not nice la. The rice was too thick, the chilli too hot, the chicken too dry and my sister said that the cucumber tasted like flower. Haha she ate flower before?!? While she was eating, i asked her..how do they roast the chicken. She was like put the chicken inside the oven and turn it around. For some reason i immediately thought of my own sister being roasted in the oven. Haha! Funny..and because of that thought, i burst out laughing soo much i couldnt eat anymore. Haha...
Hmm kk..i better go practice for maths now.
Will be back later.
See ya!
Hmm i woke up at 10am today. Washed up, and immediately sat down on the rocking chair and ate my breakfast while watching cartoons. Haha...i watched 'Strawberry Shortcake', 'Theadventures of gummy the bears' and 'Scooby dooby doo!' Haha i bullied my sister. Made her sit beside me and watch the cartoons too. Shes 21 years old by the way.
Just ate my lunch - chicken rice. Haha not nice la. The rice was too thick, the chilli too hot, the chicken too dry and my sister said that the cucumber tasted like flower. Haha she ate flower before?!? While she was eating, i asked her..how do they roast the chicken. She was like put the chicken inside the oven and turn it around. For some reason i immediately thought of my own sister being roasted in the oven. Haha! Funny..and because of that thought, i burst out laughing soo much i couldnt eat anymore. Haha...
Hmm kk..i better go practice for maths now.
Will be back later.
See ya!
1:23 PM; unforgotten.Y
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Randy's life story. Read it if you want to. If you dont, then GET LOST! 
Today is world animal day. Its sad that Randy isnt here with me right now or at least for today BUT he is always here with me in my heart. Ill celebrate it with you that way. This is really a sensitive topic for me. Cause whenever i talk about Randy or think about him, the flashbacks of everything from the time i got you till the day i lost you keeps haunting me. Seriously...
Its like this...
Last year on the 18 of November 2005, my dad called me when i was with Melissa and Michelle and said that he wanted me to follow him buy for Sherman a dog. So i met him and we went to some pet shop. Cant remember where already. We got Murphy(Shermans dog) and brought him to my dad's place. Then that night, my dad, Vicky, Sherman, Panja and i went to Marine Parade there to have dinner. Then we went into this big pet shop and my dad decided to buy me a rabbit.
At first i chose a black and white one. Then Vicky didnt like it and chose me a white and brown one. I decided to call him Randy. We bought the cage and food and everything else necessary. I still remember Randy's favourite food the the banana yogurt dips. It costs $7.80. Anyways i brought him home and put him in my room in the cage la. He was soo frightened and my mum couldnt stop nagging. Its normal la. As the days passed by, i always let him out and he would jump and run around like some mad fool. I loved to watch that. Very entertaining.
Then slowly he got used to us all. He gained the trust and all that. Where ever we go, he would run after us to see where we were going and what we were going to do. Then he see already haha he will run away some where else. He always used to jump on top the the couch and sit there. He would also run around the house and really jump like crazy then he would find a nice spot and lie down making sure that theres something for him to lean against.
Still in 2005, he became horny for a whole week. I remember putting my hand in the cage to stroke his head cause he was weirdly looking at me from inside. Then when i put my hand in, he stared at it for a moment, stood on two feet and suddenly used its other two hands to literally grab onto my hand and started to shake damn fast. Its penis came out all wet. I pulled my hand away n locked the cage, terrorised. But it stopped after a week. Weeks later, i got some sort of rashes from him cause he fell sick. I brought him to the vet and the doctor said that there was something growing on his nose. So he applied some medicine and withing 3 days i think, it dropped off. Ofcourse i also visited the doctor to get myself cured. Then Christmas and New Year came and left.
I celebrated it all with Randy. Everything was great with it. Whenever i chat, ill put him on my lap and he will jump onto the keyboard and type too. Haha and whenever i study ill put him on my table and study while he will lie down somewhere on the table and watch me. He can even jump up onto the dining table. And he always used to bite the paint off my walls. The marks are still here.
Months later, I realised that developed some bump on his ear and feet but decidedwait till the next day before telling my dad about it so that he could help me get him to the vet cause i had lotsa afternoon classes and had no time. The next day my dad told me that he too was busy so i had no choice. Waited for a few days until it was Saturday. My mum brought me to the vet. Nagged as usual but she did love Randy and im grateful for that. The doctor gave me a small bottle and i had two drops twice a day. He had some common rabbit sickness. I cant remember what its called. The doctor also gave him medicines to be applied on his feet and behind his ear where he developed some bump. So every morning i would wake up earlier to apply the medicines on him. I remember how i had to struggle with him just to apply the medicines. Haha...
Then about a few months later; about two weeks after my birthday in July, i went to kiss him goodnight before going to bed like i always fo and realised that he was breathing rather fast. I decided to wait till the next day before telling my dad about it. The next morning before i left for school, he seemed rather weak and i remember how it really frightened me. But i still left for school.
That day, i had to go to i cant remember where for some art exhibition at 3.30pm i think. Around 3pm, my sister called me and was said that Randy is just lying in his cage. He couldnt move but was still alive. I got really scared and started to cry in school. Then my dad called and said the same. He then told me that he told my sister to get him to the vet as soon as possible. My sister then called me and said that she couldnt carry him. I cried even harder and my teacher allowed me to go home and skip the art exhibition.
I took a taxi and rushed back. When i got home, he really was lying there. He was breathing damn fast, had a really bad fever and couldnt move at all. I picked him up and tried to put him into his cage but he just couldnt bend his body. My sister called for a taxi and called the vet and told them not to close and to wait for us as it was an emergency. I carried him all the way to the taxi and into the vet with him in my arms. He was REALLY weak! I even scolded the taxi uncle and asked him to drive faster. Then my sister and i evtered the vet by the backdoor and the doctor said that he had to stay over at the vet's for few days and that he would call me. I agreed to that. The doctor told me that he had some breathing problems. At that point of time i wanted nothing but for Randy to be saved. Then my sister and i left and took a bus back home.
That night i prayed for Randy. I said 15 Our Father, 15 Hail Mary and 15 Glory Be. The next day at school during recess, the vet called me and said that Randy was ok and that i could pick him up that day. It was a Wednesday and i had the public speaking course. So i went to the vet's at around 7.30pm after school. Before that i went to Xiao Yuns house so that she could get her dog to bring it for its checkup. We walked to the vet from her house and i got back my Randy. I took the bus and dropped out side Yishun Secondary. I remember carrying alot of things including him and my school bag. Luckily i saw Prem. He helped me carrying Randy who was in his cage and walked me to North Point. From there i think i took a taxi home and was damn exhausted but i attended to Randy's needs before mine.
After that for a whole week, he seemed fine. On the 31st of July which was a Monday, i left for school in the morning. Randy was perfectly fine. He was running and hoping around his cage. I saw him told him bye without touching him and left for school. That afternoon when i was in the 859 bus reaching the Yishun interchange, my dad called and asked where i was and i told him. Then at the Yishun interchange while waiting for the 811 bus, he called again and told me to call him once i reached home. I got scared and instead thought that my mum found that illegal thing of mine and told my dad. Instead when i got home, the first thing i did was to go to Randys cage and i saw him lying there dead.
My heart skipped a beat and i stood there starring at it. I kneeled down opened his cage and reached in to touch him. I had to make sure what i thought was true. And it was. His body was stiff and tears just started to roll down my eyes. I immediately found for a box, lifted him up and put him inside. I also put a rose in the box. I took my keys and went down to burry him. I also said a prayer for him.
When i reached home, i immediately went straight to my room and locked myself. I didnt talk to anyone. Neither did i eat my dinner. I just locked myself in from 5pm till 5am the next morning. That night, Laffyette was there to comfort me. Really grateful for that and i really appreciate his friendship alot! He even said a prayer for Randy in his own blog and stayed up to accompany me. Really sweet of him for someone i just got to know. :) I locked myself in my room for a whole week and cried and didnt eat. I didnt talk to anyone and cried everday in school too. I was badly hurt and really missed him lots.
Even now as i blog about this, i still feel that ache in my heart. Every now and then i dont know why but people keep mentioning the name Randy. As in they keep talking about him or asking me about him and i have to say he passed away. Really sad. Cause i held him when i first got him when he was really frightened and i held him when he trusted me which was when he was one hell of an active rabbit and i held him whenever he was sick and when he was weak when he couldnt move and when he was dead. Its really sad..really really us...Tears are already in my eyes. I just felt that i needed to let all this out and yes it is true. Till today, im not over it. Till today im still missing you and i still cry about it. How I wish there was something i could do to stop what happened.
About a week ago, my dad, my sis and i were at this pet shop. My dad and i just like to go in and see pets la. Then we came across this rabbit. It looked exaclty like randy just that is face was rounder and its brown parts was much lighter. It seemed to like me alot. Cause it was the only rabbit out of the 5 other i think who kept coming to me. My dad asked me if i wanted it. I thought for a while smiled and said no. Cause my heart is too weak. I dont think i can actually think of getting another rabbit when i still love and miss Randy. The weird thing is, its as though that rabbit is Randy. You know what they say...rebirth and all that. As a catholic, i dont believe in that but well..who knows?
I know it is very long but if you really read this whole thing, im really touched cause this is the whole life story of Randy. Those 9 months with him was great! Randy, no matter what, you will never be forgotten. I will love you always.
Heres a prayer for Randy,
Dear lord, i pray that Randy is in good hands. Wishing for nothing but his happiness. He has moved on and its time i move on too. Help me pass him this message that no matter what happens i will always love him and that he is forever in my heart. When the day whereby i take my last breath comes, i hope to be with him. Now all i have is memories of him. He was a great rabbit. Thank you lord for allowing me to spend those 9 months with him. I hope he enjoyed it as much as i did too.
Our father in heaven, Holly be thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, Forgive us our sins, As we forgive those who sins against us. Do not bring us to the test.
But deliever us from evil, Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with you. Blessed are those among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.
Glory to the father, and to the son and to the holy spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be world without end. Amen.
I started to blog at 11.50pm on Sunday and now im done. It is 1.20am on Monday. (smiles)
Today is world animal day. Its sad that Randy isnt here with me right now or at least for today BUT he is always here with me in my heart. Ill celebrate it with you that way. This is really a sensitive topic for me. Cause whenever i talk about Randy or think about him, the flashbacks of everything from the time i got you till the day i lost you keeps haunting me. Seriously...
Its like this...
Last year on the 18 of November 2005, my dad called me when i was with Melissa and Michelle and said that he wanted me to follow him buy for Sherman a dog. So i met him and we went to some pet shop. Cant remember where already. We got Murphy(Shermans dog) and brought him to my dad's place. Then that night, my dad, Vicky, Sherman, Panja and i went to Marine Parade there to have dinner. Then we went into this big pet shop and my dad decided to buy me a rabbit.
At first i chose a black and white one. Then Vicky didnt like it and chose me a white and brown one. I decided to call him Randy. We bought the cage and food and everything else necessary. I still remember Randy's favourite food the the banana yogurt dips. It costs $7.80. Anyways i brought him home and put him in my room in the cage la. He was soo frightened and my mum couldnt stop nagging. Its normal la. As the days passed by, i always let him out and he would jump and run around like some mad fool. I loved to watch that. Very entertaining.
Then slowly he got used to us all. He gained the trust and all that. Where ever we go, he would run after us to see where we were going and what we were going to do. Then he see already haha he will run away some where else. He always used to jump on top the the couch and sit there. He would also run around the house and really jump like crazy then he would find a nice spot and lie down making sure that theres something for him to lean against.
Still in 2005, he became horny for a whole week. I remember putting my hand in the cage to stroke his head cause he was weirdly looking at me from inside. Then when i put my hand in, he stared at it for a moment, stood on two feet and suddenly used its other two hands to literally grab onto my hand and started to shake damn fast. Its penis came out all wet. I pulled my hand away n locked the cage, terrorised. But it stopped after a week. Weeks later, i got some sort of rashes from him cause he fell sick. I brought him to the vet and the doctor said that there was something growing on his nose. So he applied some medicine and withing 3 days i think, it dropped off. Ofcourse i also visited the doctor to get myself cured. Then Christmas and New Year came and left.
I celebrated it all with Randy. Everything was great with it. Whenever i chat, ill put him on my lap and he will jump onto the keyboard and type too. Haha and whenever i study ill put him on my table and study while he will lie down somewhere on the table and watch me. He can even jump up onto the dining table. And he always used to bite the paint off my walls. The marks are still here.
Months later, I realised that developed some bump on his ear and feet but decidedwait till the next day before telling my dad about it so that he could help me get him to the vet cause i had lotsa afternoon classes and had no time. The next day my dad told me that he too was busy so i had no choice. Waited for a few days until it was Saturday. My mum brought me to the vet. Nagged as usual but she did love Randy and im grateful for that. The doctor gave me a small bottle and i had two drops twice a day. He had some common rabbit sickness. I cant remember what its called. The doctor also gave him medicines to be applied on his feet and behind his ear where he developed some bump. So every morning i would wake up earlier to apply the medicines on him. I remember how i had to struggle with him just to apply the medicines. Haha...
Then about a few months later; about two weeks after my birthday in July, i went to kiss him goodnight before going to bed like i always fo and realised that he was breathing rather fast. I decided to wait till the next day before telling my dad about it. The next morning before i left for school, he seemed rather weak and i remember how it really frightened me. But i still left for school.
That day, i had to go to i cant remember where for some art exhibition at 3.30pm i think. Around 3pm, my sister called me and was said that Randy is just lying in his cage. He couldnt move but was still alive. I got really scared and started to cry in school. Then my dad called and said the same. He then told me that he told my sister to get him to the vet as soon as possible. My sister then called me and said that she couldnt carry him. I cried even harder and my teacher allowed me to go home and skip the art exhibition.
I took a taxi and rushed back. When i got home, he really was lying there. He was breathing damn fast, had a really bad fever and couldnt move at all. I picked him up and tried to put him into his cage but he just couldnt bend his body. My sister called for a taxi and called the vet and told them not to close and to wait for us as it was an emergency. I carried him all the way to the taxi and into the vet with him in my arms. He was REALLY weak! I even scolded the taxi uncle and asked him to drive faster. Then my sister and i evtered the vet by the backdoor and the doctor said that he had to stay over at the vet's for few days and that he would call me. I agreed to that. The doctor told me that he had some breathing problems. At that point of time i wanted nothing but for Randy to be saved. Then my sister and i left and took a bus back home.
That night i prayed for Randy. I said 15 Our Father, 15 Hail Mary and 15 Glory Be. The next day at school during recess, the vet called me and said that Randy was ok and that i could pick him up that day. It was a Wednesday and i had the public speaking course. So i went to the vet's at around 7.30pm after school. Before that i went to Xiao Yuns house so that she could get her dog to bring it for its checkup. We walked to the vet from her house and i got back my Randy. I took the bus and dropped out side Yishun Secondary. I remember carrying alot of things including him and my school bag. Luckily i saw Prem. He helped me carrying Randy who was in his cage and walked me to North Point. From there i think i took a taxi home and was damn exhausted but i attended to Randy's needs before mine.
After that for a whole week, he seemed fine. On the 31st of July which was a Monday, i left for school in the morning. Randy was perfectly fine. He was running and hoping around his cage. I saw him told him bye without touching him and left for school. That afternoon when i was in the 859 bus reaching the Yishun interchange, my dad called and asked where i was and i told him. Then at the Yishun interchange while waiting for the 811 bus, he called again and told me to call him once i reached home. I got scared and instead thought that my mum found that illegal thing of mine and told my dad. Instead when i got home, the first thing i did was to go to Randys cage and i saw him lying there dead.
My heart skipped a beat and i stood there starring at it. I kneeled down opened his cage and reached in to touch him. I had to make sure what i thought was true. And it was. His body was stiff and tears just started to roll down my eyes. I immediately found for a box, lifted him up and put him inside. I also put a rose in the box. I took my keys and went down to burry him. I also said a prayer for him.
When i reached home, i immediately went straight to my room and locked myself. I didnt talk to anyone. Neither did i eat my dinner. I just locked myself in from 5pm till 5am the next morning. That night, Laffyette was there to comfort me. Really grateful for that and i really appreciate his friendship alot! He even said a prayer for Randy in his own blog and stayed up to accompany me. Really sweet of him for someone i just got to know. :) I locked myself in my room for a whole week and cried and didnt eat. I didnt talk to anyone and cried everday in school too. I was badly hurt and really missed him lots.
Even now as i blog about this, i still feel that ache in my heart. Every now and then i dont know why but people keep mentioning the name Randy. As in they keep talking about him or asking me about him and i have to say he passed away. Really sad. Cause i held him when i first got him when he was really frightened and i held him when he trusted me which was when he was one hell of an active rabbit and i held him whenever he was sick and when he was weak when he couldnt move and when he was dead. Its really sad..really really us...Tears are already in my eyes. I just felt that i needed to let all this out and yes it is true. Till today, im not over it. Till today im still missing you and i still cry about it. How I wish there was something i could do to stop what happened.
About a week ago, my dad, my sis and i were at this pet shop. My dad and i just like to go in and see pets la. Then we came across this rabbit. It looked exaclty like randy just that is face was rounder and its brown parts was much lighter. It seemed to like me alot. Cause it was the only rabbit out of the 5 other i think who kept coming to me. My dad asked me if i wanted it. I thought for a while smiled and said no. Cause my heart is too weak. I dont think i can actually think of getting another rabbit when i still love and miss Randy. The weird thing is, its as though that rabbit is Randy. You know what they say...rebirth and all that. As a catholic, i dont believe in that but well..who knows?
I know it is very long but if you really read this whole thing, im really touched cause this is the whole life story of Randy. Those 9 months with him was great! Randy, no matter what, you will never be forgotten. I will love you always.
Heres a prayer for Randy,
Dear lord, i pray that Randy is in good hands. Wishing for nothing but his happiness. He has moved on and its time i move on too. Help me pass him this message that no matter what happens i will always love him and that he is forever in my heart. When the day whereby i take my last breath comes, i hope to be with him. Now all i have is memories of him. He was a great rabbit. Thank you lord for allowing me to spend those 9 months with him. I hope he enjoyed it as much as i did too.
Our father in heaven, Holly be thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, Forgive us our sins, As we forgive those who sins against us. Do not bring us to the test.
But deliever us from evil, Amen.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with you. Blessed are those among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen.
Glory to the father, and to the son and to the holy spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be world without end. Amen.
I started to blog at 11.50pm on Sunday and now im done. It is 1.20am on Monday. (smiles)
11:50 PM; unforgotten.Y
Bored la..
You know why i named by blog the sinner?
Cause i sin alot.
Haha...
Btw, im no typical indian..neither do i like indians who are typical. Like those of you who join gangs and smoke and drink when theres no occasions and go around whistling and teasing girls and all that. I like decent cool guys with a good education and character and personality who cares alot and is loyal and all that..(someone asked thats why i posted it up here)
You know why i named by blog the sinner?
Cause i sin alot.
Haha...
Btw, im no typical indian..neither do i like indians who are typical. Like those of you who join gangs and smoke and drink when theres no occasions and go around whistling and teasing girls and all that. I like decent cool guys with a good education and character and personality who cares alot and is loyal and all that..(someone asked thats why i posted it up here)
6:32 PM; unforgotten.Y
SIGHHH!
Lesser than 1 and 1/2 hours to me POA tuition.
At least that would be the last POA tuition until hopefully next year. Yippy! Haha - LAME!
Hmm as for maths, ill still HAVE to have maths tuition after i get my results cause i still need to cover two more chapters. POA also actually..arghh. My mum is gonna nag and nag about the cost instead of my results. Wanna make a bet? She wouldnt even bother if i retain next year. Lala intensive studying for physics, POA and maths till Thursday. Gotta make it to sec 4E next year. I know i can. Its just a matter of weather i want to do it or not.
Gotta get him out of my mind too.
IF I make it, then ah.. YAY! I can sign myself up for the courses i want to join. BUT i still need to go back to school. Wah damn it la...its like ive never gotten a holiday..not even once ever since i got into this school. Okok wait there was once...the 1 week March holidays when i was in secondary 1. Then i became a councilor and joined drama. Ever since, my holidays all kenna burned. Haiz...
I wanna follow the steps of my seniors. I really envy them. Especially Gabriels batch. Im not only referring to council but also to the stuides and attitude wise. Its you guys who keeps me motivated to do well and to excel. Its also Mr Tan Teck Hock who is still living within me thats keeping me motivated. We'll love you always!
Haha.. I dont need to go to school tomorrow because its A maths and SADLY(i mean literally sadly) i dont take A maths. Wah i rather take A maths than POA lor. POA sucks to the core la. Despite the fact that i am paying $80 to my tuition teacher every 2 hours, i still dont get anything. I still dont understand POA. Its freaking confusing and irritating cause i cant seem to get it. BUT, I love maths! Maths rocks!
FACT: Did you know that by blogging, it improves your English? Cause its like writting a composition....
Im off...see ya!
Lesser than 1 and 1/2 hours to me POA tuition.
At least that would be the last POA tuition until hopefully next year. Yippy! Haha - LAME!
Hmm as for maths, ill still HAVE to have maths tuition after i get my results cause i still need to cover two more chapters. POA also actually..arghh. My mum is gonna nag and nag about the cost instead of my results. Wanna make a bet? She wouldnt even bother if i retain next year. Lala intensive studying for physics, POA and maths till Thursday. Gotta make it to sec 4E next year. I know i can. Its just a matter of weather i want to do it or not.
Gotta get him out of my mind too.
IF I make it, then ah.. YAY! I can sign myself up for the courses i want to join. BUT i still need to go back to school. Wah damn it la...its like ive never gotten a holiday..not even once ever since i got into this school. Okok wait there was once...the 1 week March holidays when i was in secondary 1. Then i became a councilor and joined drama. Ever since, my holidays all kenna burned. Haiz...
I wanna follow the steps of my seniors. I really envy them. Especially Gabriels batch. Im not only referring to council but also to the stuides and attitude wise. Its you guys who keeps me motivated to do well and to excel. Its also Mr Tan Teck Hock who is still living within me thats keeping me motivated. We'll love you always!
Haha.. I dont need to go to school tomorrow because its A maths and SADLY(i mean literally sadly) i dont take A maths. Wah i rather take A maths than POA lor. POA sucks to the core la. Despite the fact that i am paying $80 to my tuition teacher every 2 hours, i still dont get anything. I still dont understand POA. Its freaking confusing and irritating cause i cant seem to get it. BUT, I love maths! Maths rocks!
FACT: Did you know that by blogging, it improves your English? Cause its like writting a composition....
Im off...see ya!
6:03 PM; unforgotten.Y
I HATE MY MUM!!!
Hmm woke up, went to church and again i cursed myself for not going for mass. Haha i always do that every Sunday. I go to church only for cathegism class. Mmm Melvin Christoper, Clarence and Alfred decided to skip class so they passed me their forms and money so that i could pass it to teacher Pam. People from cathegism class nowadays are soo nice. We always smile and greet each other. :D
Came home and my sis told me that daddy was going to bring us out for lunch and that he was already downstairs waiting. I quickly changed into something else and went down to meet him. Went to an Indian restaurant near upper Thomson road. Haha my dad ah..he parked his car at the walkway and kenna fine by the police. Serves him right la. I told him not to. And yeah la...now im at home. My maths tuition is gonna start in a few minutes, 3.30 until 5.30pm. Then at 7.30pm to 9.30pm, i got POA tuition. Wah tired leh. This is the last time before the release of my results im gonna have tuition. Cant wait. Ive been having two tuitions in one day and its tiring la.
Yeps..that it. Gotta go for tuition now.. Will be back to blog later on.
Hmm woke up, went to church and again i cursed myself for not going for mass. Haha i always do that every Sunday. I go to church only for cathegism class. Mmm Melvin Christoper, Clarence and Alfred decided to skip class so they passed me their forms and money so that i could pass it to teacher Pam. People from cathegism class nowadays are soo nice. We always smile and greet each other. :D
Came home and my sis told me that daddy was going to bring us out for lunch and that he was already downstairs waiting. I quickly changed into something else and went down to meet him. Went to an Indian restaurant near upper Thomson road. Haha my dad ah..he parked his car at the walkway and kenna fine by the police. Serves him right la. I told him not to. And yeah la...now im at home. My maths tuition is gonna start in a few minutes, 3.30 until 5.30pm. Then at 7.30pm to 9.30pm, i got POA tuition. Wah tired leh. This is the last time before the release of my results im gonna have tuition. Cant wait. Ive been having two tuitions in one day and its tiring la.
Yeps..that it. Gotta go for tuition now.. Will be back to blog later on.
3:16 PM; unforgotten.Y
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Nothing to blog about today..
All i can say is that i miss you terribly...
Even yesterday night wasnt like what it used to be..
Feel like i lost you to it...
I want you back but how am i supposed to tell you how i really feel?
You dont seem to care anymore..
And its not lust i swear!!!
I definitely dont want you to think im forcing you...
Neither do i want you to think that im taking over your life..
I just love you...
*sad*...
All i can say is that i miss you terribly...
Even yesterday night wasnt like what it used to be..
Feel like i lost you to it...
I want you back but how am i supposed to tell you how i really feel?
You dont seem to care anymore..
And its not lust i swear!!!
I definitely dont want you to think im forcing you...
Neither do i want you to think that im taking over your life..
I just love you...
*sad*...
6:59 PM; unforgotten.Y
Friday, October 06, 2006
Im like i dont know..damn pissed and worried and scared and sad...all mixed la..Walau! How can you tell me not to get angry after telling me that? And so what if she is just like that? Shes nothing but a bitch! I hate her...i hate my MUM!!! She sucks la...The only reason why i appear happy in front of everyone is because i dont want them to see the depressed me. I mean who would like having a friend who is always depressed right? Im just sick and tired of this life..Wanna end it now! Or foster parents may be a choice too. From everything ive been going through, i bet the court will even say i ought to get foster parents. Then i can get away from my sister, my father and my mother. It sucks la! I cant even talk to them at home. Thats like precisely why im 24/7 online. I feel lonely!!! No one really knows what im going through..wish i could let it be known but i just dont know how. All those flashbacks and those memories..really hurts alot! Feel so depressed la...
I NEED A HUG!!!
I NEED A HUG!!!
9:50 PM; unforgotten.Y
I got one question to ask..how to put a song in my blog ah? I want song leh...My blog very not noisy..haha...
Today during the art exam ah..i did everything within 2 and 1/2 hours so i had another 1/2 hour to kill right. I decided to sleep and i really did. Leng Chee is sitting beside me. Behind Leng Chee was Lois. Behind me is Nishaa who was sitting beside Lois. Haha all three of them ah kept waking me up leh. Wah cannot sleep properly. Haha...
My POA tuition ended. Well at least im one more step better in POA than compared to before. Slowly la.. I just need constant practice and i can get A1 for my 'O's next year. *If i make it to sec4 next year*
Eh! I like the font of the numbers leh...Nice nice!
Haha...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Haha nice ah?
Lala im crazy...
Hui Meng went to JB...
Sigh..going to miss her :P
Eh people...i meant people i know hahahaha...link me!!!
Quick! Quick!
Today during the art exam ah..i did everything within 2 and 1/2 hours so i had another 1/2 hour to kill right. I decided to sleep and i really did. Leng Chee is sitting beside me. Behind Leng Chee was Lois. Behind me is Nishaa who was sitting beside Lois. Haha all three of them ah kept waking me up leh. Wah cannot sleep properly. Haha...
My POA tuition ended. Well at least im one more step better in POA than compared to before. Slowly la.. I just need constant practice and i can get A1 for my 'O's next year. *If i make it to sec4 next year*
Eh! I like the font of the numbers leh...Nice nice!
Haha...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Haha nice ah?
Lala im crazy...
Hui Meng went to JB...
Sigh..going to miss her :P
Eh people...i meant people i know hahahaha...link me!!!
Quick! Quick!
6:41 PM; unforgotten.Y
Lala..today was Art. I did my preparatory work at only 12.30am. Haha...
I chose the title hidden and ended up drawing a grim reaper kinda thing..except that there was no face. It was like pitch black la..Den under the cloack like thing, i drew alot of faces..it supposed to be like theres this cloak and you cant see a face. But under the cloak you see many faces..something like that..very last minute la..haha...but still turned out nice..
When the exam ended, i took the 962 bus to Sun Plaza with Hui Meng. At 11.15am in the bus...she called me nonsence cause cant remember what i did la..haha. Then ah i went to top up my ez link. Damn la my card kenna stuck in the machine! I called the uncle to help me get the card out and thanked him..Obviously i thanked him! Haha
Hmm now im at home...HORNY!
I chose the title hidden and ended up drawing a grim reaper kinda thing..except that there was no face. It was like pitch black la..Den under the cloack like thing, i drew alot of faces..it supposed to be like theres this cloak and you cant see a face. But under the cloak you see many faces..something like that..very last minute la..haha...but still turned out nice..
When the exam ended, i took the 962 bus to Sun Plaza with Hui Meng. At 11.15am in the bus...she called me nonsence cause cant remember what i did la..haha. Then ah i went to top up my ez link. Damn la my card kenna stuck in the machine! I called the uncle to help me get the card out and thanked him..Obviously i thanked him! Haha
Hmm now im at home...HORNY!
12:46 PM; unforgotten.Y
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Did my history paper today...
Hmmm ok la...although i think i screwed up my section B...
Nevermind still did my best..
Tomorrow is art..
Waste of time only!
Haha...
On my way home today in the 859 bus ah
Wah the bus damn slow leh..
People in the bus, mainly from my school all dont want to move to the back of the bus..BUT got people from the public also doing the same.
Then ah the brainless public people really got no brains..
The bus already very full ah still want to squeeze..
One day the bus will be too squeezy that you will all be soo compressed and poof you will all burst against each other and be gone...
Then the bus will be all bloody with your body parts sticking all over the bus and from the outside, the windows will be too bloody to even look at..and haha better not get further.. :P
Lalala...
Ahhhh! Im lazy to do art la..
I haven even choose the topic i want from the question paper.
But, i want it black and white..
I havent decide if i want to use charcoal or the drawing pencils for my work...
Hmm gonna sleep for an hour, wake up, do my art preparation and study physics, do maths practice, poa tuition homework and then go to bed early.
Too full to eat lunch also..
By the way...thanks you all for saying all those stuff to cheer me up..
I ALMOST FORGOT!
Today is the 5th of October right...
Its my bestie's(Jacinta) birthday!!!
Wheee!
Heres a special dedication to her although she doesnt know a thing about my blog...will let her know the next time we communicate..
.
~Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To Jacinta!!!
Happy Birthday To You!~
Someone finally 15 huh! Hehehe...
Say hello to my bestie!!!
See ya!
Hmmm ok la...although i think i screwed up my section B...
Nevermind still did my best..
Tomorrow is art..
Waste of time only!
Haha...
On my way home today in the 859 bus ah
Wah the bus damn slow leh..
People in the bus, mainly from my school all dont want to move to the back of the bus..BUT got people from the public also doing the same.
Then ah the brainless public people really got no brains..
The bus already very full ah still want to squeeze..
One day the bus will be too squeezy that you will all be soo compressed and poof you will all burst against each other and be gone...
Then the bus will be all bloody with your body parts sticking all over the bus and from the outside, the windows will be too bloody to even look at..and haha better not get further.. :P
Lalala...
Ahhhh! Im lazy to do art la..
I haven even choose the topic i want from the question paper.
But, i want it black and white..
I havent decide if i want to use charcoal or the drawing pencils for my work...
Hmm gonna sleep for an hour, wake up, do my art preparation and study physics, do maths practice, poa tuition homework and then go to bed early.
Too full to eat lunch also..
By the way...thanks you all for saying all those stuff to cheer me up..
I ALMOST FORGOT!
Today is the 5th of October right...
Its my bestie's(Jacinta) birthday!!!
Wheee!
Heres a special dedication to her although she doesnt know a thing about my blog...will let her know the next time we communicate..
.
~Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To Jacinta!!!
Happy Birthday To You!~
Someone finally 15 huh! Hehehe...
Say hello to my bestie!!!
See ya!12:36 PM; unforgotten.Y
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Im sooo gonna fail my Chemistry exam today..
Shit!
Nevermind i still got other exams to work on..
Scared la...still got alot more to go...
History, Art, Maths paper 2, Physics and POA
Stress!
Lord have mercy on me..please!
I've learnt my lesson already...really!
I just edited my blog and my friendster profile..
Nice!
It took me 1 and 1/2 hours..
Tomorrow is my History paper..
Must study!
Kk i go eat then study..might come online later but must study first!
Anyways, thanks Rahimi and Hui Meng for helping me with Chemistry before school started today...
See ya!
PS: I love ya Hui Meng!!!
Hahas told ya i will blog that :P
Shit!
Nevermind i still got other exams to work on..
Scared la...still got alot more to go...
History, Art, Maths paper 2, Physics and POA
Stress!
Lord have mercy on me..please!
I've learnt my lesson already...really!
I just edited my blog and my friendster profile..
Nice!
It took me 1 and 1/2 hours..
Tomorrow is my History paper..
Must study!
Kk i go eat then study..might come online later but must study first!
Anyways, thanks Rahimi and Hui Meng for helping me with Chemistry before school started today...
See ya!
PS: I love ya Hui Meng!!!
Hahas told ya i will blog that :P
1:16 PM; unforgotten.Y
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Today, i woke up and when i was unlocking the gate, wah a freaking spider..a big one in fact came spinning its web down. Nearly landed on my head. LUCKY! I hate spiders..in fact of all insects, spiders is the species i fear most. Then ah when i got out of my house n shut the door behind me, a exceptionally big sized bee was on its back on the floor..
Haha i jumped over it and ran down the stairs to the 11th floor. And then in the 859 bus on my way to school, i sat beside the window at the back of the bus as usual. Half way through the ride, a darn small cockroach crawled up to the bus's side which was beside me. DAMN! Because of that cockroach, i woke up n decided to stand instead.
Went to school and taught Hui Meng maths. Then i studied my own last minute notes and went for the morning assembly. Then i got back to class and waited till my paper started. The duration for the maths paper 1 today was 8am - 10am. Surprisingly, i found it easy and finished it at 9.30am. Knowing that im the type who hates to check my work, i pushed myself and checked. By doing so i got back 2 marks which i would have lost due to careless mistake and i lost one mark due to further confusion. Damnation!
Hmm nevermind, my sister always told me not to think about the papers ive done and to move on cause whats done is done. I cant do anything to change it. So im taking her advice.
On my way to the 859 bustop outside school, a bigger cockroach ran across the path i wanted to take. The night before, a HUGE cockroach was in my house n i killed it. I killed my first cockroach all by myself! The night before last night, i slept with a big bee in my room. Two nights before the night before last night, i slept with a ladybug in my room.
Annoying la!
Anyways Hui Meng helped me edit my blog and thus i must thank her. :D
Wah suddenly tempted to eat carrot cake leh.
Hunnngggrrrryyyyy!
Am currently eating peanut butter and bread.
Yummy...
And ive not done my Chemistry revision.
Tomorrow is my Chemistry exam.
And i am going to die..
Nevermind i shall go now and study like crazy.
Tomorrows paper starts at 9 and its flexi day tomorrow. Thus school starts at only 8.30am.
Nevertheless, ill still go to school at 6.30 as usual and study some more...
Studymode...
Study! Study! Study!
By the way, i edited my friendster profile and i love it!
Go see! Go see!
Well, see ya!
Haha i jumped over it and ran down the stairs to the 11th floor. And then in the 859 bus on my way to school, i sat beside the window at the back of the bus as usual. Half way through the ride, a darn small cockroach crawled up to the bus's side which was beside me. DAMN! Because of that cockroach, i woke up n decided to stand instead.
Went to school and taught Hui Meng maths. Then i studied my own last minute notes and went for the morning assembly. Then i got back to class and waited till my paper started. The duration for the maths paper 1 today was 8am - 10am. Surprisingly, i found it easy and finished it at 9.30am. Knowing that im the type who hates to check my work, i pushed myself and checked. By doing so i got back 2 marks which i would have lost due to careless mistake and i lost one mark due to further confusion. Damnation!
Hmm nevermind, my sister always told me not to think about the papers ive done and to move on cause whats done is done. I cant do anything to change it. So im taking her advice.
On my way to the 859 bustop outside school, a bigger cockroach ran across the path i wanted to take. The night before, a HUGE cockroach was in my house n i killed it. I killed my first cockroach all by myself! The night before last night, i slept with a big bee in my room. Two nights before the night before last night, i slept with a ladybug in my room.
Annoying la!
Anyways Hui Meng helped me edit my blog and thus i must thank her. :D
Wah suddenly tempted to eat carrot cake leh.
Hunnngggrrrryyyyy!
Am currently eating peanut butter and bread.
Yummy...
And ive not done my Chemistry revision.
Tomorrow is my Chemistry exam.
And i am going to die..
Nevermind i shall go now and study like crazy.
Tomorrows paper starts at 9 and its flexi day tomorrow. Thus school starts at only 8.30am.
Nevertheless, ill still go to school at 6.30 as usual and study some more...
Studymode...
Study! Study! Study!
By the way, i edited my friendster profile and i love it!
Go see! Go see!
Well, see ya!
11:19 PM; unforgotten.Y
Monday, October 02, 2006
Did my Social Studies exam today..
Guess what..i did last minute studying for it and i still found it easy enough...Hehe... Umm tomorrow is Maths Paper 1..
Argh! Still doing my notes for the chapters.. Left with chapter 10, 11, 12
Hmm can one la..Just as long as i dont do careless mistakes tomorrow..
Although im darn full and not hungry, haha dont know why but im tempted to eat carrot cake. Aiyo i really hope that i pass my exams at least.. If not daddy surely wont allow me to take up the three courses that i want to take up during the December holidays..
He is really stressing me alot though..
Gotta pass..I just gotta!
Would he get angry if i actually get transfered back to Normal Acade?
I mean that was where i was originally..then Mr Soh told me in sec 1 that i was laterally transfered to Express...
Dont know why i agreed..its cause daddy wanted me to go there la..wasnt my choice in the first place.. Haiz
Neverminf..whats happened has already happened. Now i am in express and im gonna do whatever it takes to stay here..
Nothing much happened today la..
BORRRIIINNNGGG!
Gonna continue with my notes..
We Will Excel!
Guess what..i did last minute studying for it and i still found it easy enough...Hehe... Umm tomorrow is Maths Paper 1..
Argh! Still doing my notes for the chapters.. Left with chapter 10, 11, 12
Hmm can one la..Just as long as i dont do careless mistakes tomorrow..
Although im darn full and not hungry, haha dont know why but im tempted to eat carrot cake. Aiyo i really hope that i pass my exams at least.. If not daddy surely wont allow me to take up the three courses that i want to take up during the December holidays..
He is really stressing me alot though..
Gotta pass..I just gotta!
Would he get angry if i actually get transfered back to Normal Acade?
I mean that was where i was originally..then Mr Soh told me in sec 1 that i was laterally transfered to Express...
Dont know why i agreed..its cause daddy wanted me to go there la..wasnt my choice in the first place.. Haiz
Neverminf..whats happened has already happened. Now i am in express and im gonna do whatever it takes to stay here..
Nothing much happened today la..
BORRRIIINNNGGG!
Gonna continue with my notes..
We Will Excel!
9:54 PM; unforgotten.Y
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Hey all!
Know what?
Recently i was kinda depressed over lotsa things...
But then i told myself..
Why be depressed...Life is short..so live up to its fullest..
I dont wanna spend half my life being depressed..
I wanna spend as much of it being happy..
I dont wanna regret having a life thats god's gift!
Ive got wonderful friends everywhere and im fortunate to have them by my side always..
Ive got a life and im gonna use it properly...
Whee im feeling kinda motivated and happy and all..
Haha..YEAH now that's what im talking about..
That's what you people have not seen yet...the real me!
Thats what i wanted to blog about actually...
I wanted everyone to know that i am HAPPY!
Hehe...
Today in cathegism class..
Haha i was early..and a parent was supposed to follow me today cause of the confirmation talk by my teacher.
Sadly i cant ask my dad and my mum didnt want to go so i went there by myself..
BUT i still had Athena..hehe
Hmm teacher Pam made me usher the parents to occupt the front seats..
Wahaa..today was fun..
I love the people from church..
:D
Well tomorrow is the start of the N levels...
Wanna wish everyone good luck and that believe in yourself..you can do it!
This is especially going out to my friends who are taking their N levels tomorrow...
Ahhhhhh!
Got bee in my room...Helllppp!
Tomorrow is my Social Studies exam...
Kk must continue to go study...
See ya!
Know what?
Recently i was kinda depressed over lotsa things...
But then i told myself..
Why be depressed...Life is short..so live up to its fullest..
I dont wanna spend half my life being depressed..
I wanna spend as much of it being happy..
I dont wanna regret having a life thats god's gift!
Ive got wonderful friends everywhere and im fortunate to have them by my side always..
Ive got a life and im gonna use it properly...
Whee im feeling kinda motivated and happy and all..
Haha..YEAH now that's what im talking about..
That's what you people have not seen yet...the real me!
Thats what i wanted to blog about actually...
I wanted everyone to know that i am HAPPY!
Hehe...
Today in cathegism class..
Haha i was early..and a parent was supposed to follow me today cause of the confirmation talk by my teacher.
Sadly i cant ask my dad and my mum didnt want to go so i went there by myself..
BUT i still had Athena..hehe
Hmm teacher Pam made me usher the parents to occupt the front seats..
Wahaa..today was fun..
I love the people from church..
:D
Well tomorrow is the start of the N levels...
Wanna wish everyone good luck and that believe in yourself..you can do it!
This is especially going out to my friends who are taking their N levels tomorrow...
Ahhhhhh!
Got bee in my room...Helllppp!
Tomorrow is my Social Studies exam...
Kk must continue to go study...
See ya!
7:23 PM; unforgotten.Y